Written by Jalapenoman
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 10 April 2007

image for The World's Dumbest Dog

My son owns the world's dumbest dog. I know that some humans are born mentally retarded, and I believe that this animal suffers the same condition. No original thought has ever entered his head. I would describe him as being brain dead, if it were determined that he ever had a brain in the first place.

Most mentally handicaped humans are sweet with kind, innocent personalities. Fuzzy is the same way. He is a sweet, personable, happy little pooch that is oblivious to the world around him.

As he is as dumb as a box of rocks, he has never really learned any tricks. In fact, he's never learned anything. We tried newspaper training for his potty training. Didn't work. We did the "rub his nose in it" and swat his bottom. No success. We bought the fancy, expensive pads. No luck. We asked a vet and an online vet and a dog trainer who specializes in this problem. All strikes, three outs, end off inning.

While the other dog will scratch at the door when she wants out, or wake you up at night if nature calls, Fuzzy will not. He'll just hike the leg where he's at, even if an open backdoor and access to trees is just three feet away.

We've resorted to buying doggie diapers (yes, they make them). Our pampered pooch now has his his doggie depends!

Should I have just gotten rid of the dog? No, he's an expensive, purebred, papered Bischon Frise'. Besides that, my son loves him to death and would kill me if I tried. I'm also fond of the little guy and he is a good dog except for his "problem."

In order to keep things in perspective, we do try and remember that it is not nice to make fun of the retarded, but we still have fun Fuzzy's expense. In our family, we gave him his own theme song. Sing the following to the tune of "Born to Be Wild" and you'll understand the dog a little better.


Fuzzy's Theme Song
(Sung to the tune of "Born to be Wild")

1. Get your bladder runnin'
Head out for the hallway
Lookin' for a corner
Or whatever comes my way

(chorus)Yes sir, I'm goin' ta make it happen
Lift my leg up into space
Squirt all of that juice at once and
Spray all over the place

Like a true nature's child
I was born, born to pee wild
I can pee so high,
I'll almost touch the sky

Born to pee wild
Born to pee wild

2. I like lots of pissing
Isn't it a wonder
Racing round the room
And catching every corner.

(chorus)Yes sir, I'm goin' ta make it happen
Lift my leg up into space
Squirt all of that juice at once and
Spray all over the place

Like a true nature's child
I was born, born to pee wild
I can pee so high,
I'll almost touch the sky

Born to pee wild
Born to pee wild

3. Get your bladder runnin'
Head out for the hallway
Lookin' for a corner
Or whatever comes my way

(chorus)Yes sir, I'm goin' ta make it happen
Lift my leg up into space
Squirt all of that juice at once and
Spray all over the place

Like a true nature's child
I was born, born to pee wild
I can pee so high,
I'll almost touch the sky

Born to pee wild
Born to pee wild

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

76 readers are online right now!

Go to top