Written by Ray Bellew
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Tags: Golf

Monday, 29 December 2014

And God said, "Noah, I want you to quit working on the ark."

"Pardon?" said a disbelieving Noah. You want me to do what?"

"The ark, Noah, you won't be needing it."

"But, God," protested Noah, "I've been working on the ark for the past four hundred years, and it's almost done. All that's left is to put in the shuffleboard court."

"Sorry, Noah, but the great flood is history. So instead of working on the ark, I want you to get your golf game in shape."

"My golf game?"

"Yes, Noah, I want you to enter the upcoming Sodom And Gomorrah Golf Classic.

"But, God," said a stunned Noah, "I'm a horrible golfer."

"That's true. I believe you once carded a 680."

"It was windy."

"It was a bright, sunny day."

"Okay, okay, so what's the point of me entering the Classic?"

"Think about it, Noah, what would it take for you to win the Sodom And Gonorrah Golf Classic."

"God, it would take a miracle."

"Bingo!" I happen to be in the miracle business. And just to make sure everyone knows who you're playing for, I want you to wear this."

A tee shirt floated down from the heavens. On the front and back were these words: SPONSORED BY GOD.

So Noah dug out his old set of golf clubs and began practicing. But, it didn't seem to do much good. After his tenth whiff in a row, Noah looked upwards and said, "God, are you sure about this?"

"Noah," responded God, "you just have to remember two things. One, have faith."

"And two?"

"Keep your head down!" Boomed God. "You pull it up every time."

Well the big day came and Noah won the Sodom And Gomorrah Golf Classic by acing every hole to shoot a record breaking eighteen. His victory had the desired effect.

"I'm going to quit being a perv," said a perv from Sodom.

"And I'm turning my topless bar into a bird sanctuary,"
said a guy from Gomorrah.

As for Noah, he used part of his winnings to upgrade his wife's one hump camel to a two humper and the rest to convert the ark into Noah's Fine Seafood Restaurant.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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