We at Back and to the Left news pride ourselves on giving everyone a voice, including those of us who don't deserve one. We try to be as fair as we can be when it comes down to our interviews and subsequent write ups. So when we decided to interview a member of the group Britain First our peers (the other people in the hostel we currently call home) we're shocked. They asked us "why would you give a voice to a bunch of bigoted and possibly racist wankers" and we said "give a man a fish and he'll feed himself for a day but give a racist a platform and they'll eventually hang themselves". Then we told them to get out of our section of the hostel before we called management.
So here is our (somewhat) controversial interview with Mr Ray Cyst a member of Britain First.
Good evening Mr Cyst it's...well it's not a honour to be interviewing you but it's....something?
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to spew my ideas and half baked ideological solutions. It's not something many respectable news agencies would have done.
We're not respectable. But please tell us what your party stands for.
It stands for Britain. British people a British way of life and general Britishness.
Well being British is all about doing British things and going about them in a British way. You know that way we can tell if their British or not.
How do you do things in a British way?
Well for a start you have to have been born here to truly understand what being British really means-
What? Enjoying the shitty weather and feeble efforts of the international football team?
Exactly! We at Britain First want to put British people first. Hard working, working class British people, working hard together to build a better Britain. For the British.
And what do you do?
Of course you are.
But I wouldn't be in a country run by Britain First.
Well, if Britain First ran the country then we would put Brits first and they would all get the jobs that all the people who aren't British currently occupy.
So you'd give Brits jobs that foreigners are doing?
Even if they were dangerously unqualified?
Are you kidding me any British man can do any job that a COLLECTION OF RACIST SLURS TOO GRAPHIC TO PRINT
Well after that outburst would you like to end with anything constructive?
Yes. For anyone who thinks that we're wrong or disagree with us in any way remember this: There not called the black cliffs of Dover are they?