Written by blewkarma
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Tags: Chocolate

Saturday, 31 March 2007

image for "Infused Chocolate In Our Veins" Crest Angel was held by the renigade Skunk Shui Sect

Funk Shui Fundraising

This document From
Crest Angel Del Cross
was found written upon a
tiny itsy bitsy
piece of candy wrapper
hidden in Guilty Pleasures
Basement Vault
It is thought to belong
to a time period when
Crest Angel
was held by the
renigade Skunk Shui Sect
somewhere in the hills of
Hamshire Tennesee.

Re: A Letter To
The Church Of
The United Thespians
November 27 1984

Candy Bars for Funk Shui Fundraising

To: All My future Children.
I greet you and my
faithful dog Yippie!
greets you too.

Americans love chocolates,

yes, is it not true?

It has been estimated that

Americans consume

billions upon billions of

pounds of the delightful

sugar X- STATIC- RATED

coated candy bars every year.


No wonder candy bars have been

the most popular

products for fundraisers.


How are chocolate bars used

in fundraising, you may ask?

Well, Funk Shui Family Member Fundraisers

use candy bars in two ways- indirect and direct selling.
You may choose, dear future ardent follower and devotee of this mad, blood-sucking,

muscle-wrench- ing, bone-crushing Funk Shui religion to use both

methods as the Funk Shui Way to Earthly Rewards... to generate more fund$ and get more filthy lucre for me and my gang. .

Direct selling usually involves selling the candy bars.

( How ever this is optional)

Many Funk Shui'ers add used candy wrappers and give them away as valuable coupons to add appeal to their candies sales approach.

Some use Pirated, famous, candy bar brand names, pilfered and plundered like SNICKER-ISH, ( I'D LUV To Plunder INTO THAT ONE Right Now! My bacchanal, bacchants Aaarrgghh...)

To generate more profit. In direct selling, you may have to do word of mouth selling to members. The members then can distribute and sell the candy bars to other people they know, and to other people they know and others who they know and... on and on..and on...until the great big geometrical umbilical cord finally Implodes into affinity.. Yippie, say's Do it!


On the other hand, indirect selling does not involve hand selling to people. All you need to do is distribute brochures and people who are interested may contact you on the numbers you have provided in the brochures.

(Heck My Uncle Harry Owns A PR Firm)

If you choose Pre-Used candy bars for fundraising, you can be assured of a 1000% to 2000000% profit. However, it will depend on how industrious you are in finding the Phlegm-Sodden-Gooey Shite. It is better to steal the candy bars. This will surely be a winfall for you.

Candy bars have long been the favorite of many fundraisers. That is because it isn't limited to a specific age group or culture. Everybody just loves candy bars.

Candy bars are also easy to sell. You don't need to be an expert in candy bar sales to promote the product.

Fundraisers are also aware of the disadvantages of candy bars in fundraising. It's not a healthy food for children
(The li'l Tykes can smear it on your white leather upholstery ) and they aren't good in hot weather
(This is especially true when you leave them with your little Tot's locked in the SUV in a hot summer parking lot, they have the tendency to melt in hot temperatures the candy bars that is. )
It is also difficult to track inventories with candy bars.

WARNING MAMA'S DO NOT FEED CHOCOLATE TO YOUR VEGAN BRATS VEGANS ARE UNDER THE FALSE IMPRESSION THAT CHOCOLATE COMES FROM ANIMALS HOW EVER UBSURD THIS MAY SOUND... DO NOT... I REPEAT ...MAMA'S NEVER FEED... VEGAN BRATS CHOCOLATE ....UNLESS OF COURSE YOU BURN THE CANDY BARS TO A CRISP AND CALL IT MISKITO WOOD CHIP CANDY ....THEN ...AND ONLY THEN... IS IT PERMISSABLE IN FUNK SHUI FUNDRAISING

If you choose candy bars for fundraising, it will surely be a hit for you. Just remember to determine if there are upfront charges to the organization. Also make sure that the organization charges BIG $$$ extra fees for materials, such as the used wrappers ect.. You may also choose candy bars with features and coupons to increase your sales.
(See How To Increase Sales With Used Candy Wrappers as a buying incentive.)


You may check that Big Brother, Internet thing out that, Al Gorestien has been proposing (SEEMS LIKE FOREVER NOW) over the YOUTube THING .
He calls it "CARPE" for: Companies And Religous- organizations that Promote E-candy bars.
If you can be assured of a 100ooooo% profit, then why not try it? Candy bars will surely give fundraisers 'Sweet," (Nice Pun eh?)
results.
Bye for now kid's
I am always
Sincerely Crest Angel

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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