Inside a library of Victorian splendor. A sign on the door reads: "NO SOLICITORS".
God occupies a fine high back leather chair. The glow from a fireplace causes a shadow to obscure His face. We see an image from shoulders down. wearing a splendid Victorian smoking jacket, silk pajamas, and open back Gucci, leather, slippers He speaks in an over the top, Thespian, British, accent.
Carrion , a large black crow, hunkers down on the back of two empty high back chairs as if waiting an expected guest to arrive. To his side an open large voluminous black book is positioned on top of a wooden lectern. Just above his head, on a table, a pot of steaming tea with two cups, and a tray of biscuits.
Mohammed , God's golden, coyote like dog, lounges lethargically on a Persian throw rug. While an old radio is playing dreamy 1930's, English Music Hall tunes, a 1950-style console, television tunes in and out of stations present, past, and future.
There is a knock on the door, and two angel's appear, Michael and Patrick both, very young, well hung "Tom of Finland" type boy's, shirtless, long blonde hair, enormous pectoris muscles, dressed in white "Chippendale" string bow ties, high black polo players riding boots, wide leather belt with W.W.F. silver buckles, and both are wearing "Victoria's Secrets" type angel wings.
The angels, flank and frog carry an unkempt, unshaven, Lucifer (Luc). Luc's suit is very worn, rumpled, and soiled in blood. He is shivering, hacking, coughing, and he appears pale, sickly, and slightly frosted.
GOD: "Set him there, on the chair, easy does it, boys"The angel's seem to be highly amused at disobeying God's command as they roughly plop Luc down into the high back leather chair, making an extra effort to rumple his poor excuse for a suit.
LUC: "Hey, jeeps, … for crying out-loud, … watch the suit will ya? Jeepers Creeper's! Look watcher doing, with the… jeeps! Come on now! Awe, look at that, will ya look at that. They messed up my new suit"Luc turns his head to God and shout's.
LUC: "Ya know I just got this suit, only a few thousand years ago. It's not even paid for."
Now, leaning toward God, he places one hand covering his mouth, ignoring the two angels and in a false attempt to keep his secret, he whispers loud enough for the angles to hear.
LUC: "Ya know Pop's, ya ought' a keep an eye on these two".
He now nods to the angles and shouts.
LUC: "Eh, boys? Michael fits Patrick and Patrick fits Michael"
GOD: "Now Luc, you know my policy, 'one doesn't ask and one doesn't tell' run along now boys."
The angels look around in all directions, like excited puppies not often allowed in the main house.
GOD: "I said run along boys."
The angels scurry off, skipping hand in hand and then they vanish into puffy white clouds. Luc is fidgeting around with the objects on the table.
LUC: "Got any smokes?"
GOD: "Why of course!"
God's hands reaches out and he fumbles with a cigar box set in a drawer under the table. He hands Luc, a cigar. Luc runs the cigar under his nose.
LUC: "Nice stogie! Cuban? Hey aren't these illegal?
GOD: "I know someone."
God's hand's begins to place the cigar box, back under the table, when, Luc stop's him and grab's a few extra cigars. God allows this and set's the box back.
GOD: "Everything comfy? Luc, my boy I know that we have had, shall we say, our differences in the past. But."
As God speaks, Luc is fiddling with the nipped cigars, trying to find un-worn pockets in his badly tattered suit. He settles for the best of the few options. He begins clipping the ends, fussing about, generally, in an annoying manner. He places one in his mouth like a gangster and smiles broadly.
LUC: "Gotta light?"
God, once again, must fumble for a light. His hand extends the offer.
GOD: "There you go, my boy. Enjoy! I would myself but my doctor told me to quit, thought about taking up the pipe."
Luc inhales smoke and then exhales blowing a puff cloud toward the shadow that is obscuring Gods face. Luc is violently coughing and hacking. God's hands are waving away the smoke.
GOD: "My word! My boy, you really must take better care of yourself."
LUC: "Jeeps! (Hacking) That's really rich Pop's, 'take better care', ya lock me up in that freezer cellar for a couple of thousand year's and…oh yea, that's really rich."
Luc is shivering.
LUC: "Why's it so cold in here?"
He leans closer to the fireplace and begins rubbing his hands.
LUC: "Oh yea! That feels so good, ya know I could really get used to this. Oh yea!"
GOD: "Hmm! Soon enough my boy soon enough. Now, as I was saying, I am truly sorry… ahem, look, I know that we have had our squabbles in the past."
LUC: "Squabbles? Hate to break the news, to ya, Pop's, but dumping ya' own kid, the fruit of ya' loin's, down a cold dark cellar and then, chaining and locking him up for a few thousands of years, Eh! Squabbles? That's, a bit fluky, wouldn't ya' say, ya' know what I mean Pop's? I mean, I think, I'd call that sadomasochistic.
GOD: "I said I was sorry. It's, just that, I get so angry, sometimes."
LUC: "Well, ya' ought a see some body, about that, Pop's."
GOD: (Sheepishly) "I know."
LUC: "I mean, really! This anger thing ain't too good for the liver"
GOD: (Even more timidly) 'I know."
LUC: "Take a course, in anger management or something."
God begins shouting like a child having a tantrum.
GOD: "I said, I know, I know already, for My sake, I know."
LUC: "Oh, all right! So what's the matter now? It's that earth place again, right? I knew it! Why didn't ya, just, destroy it a long time ago?"
GOD: "I suppose, I hoped, that they would do it, for me, themselves!"
Carrion,who has been silently witnessing the ongoing exchange between the two now chirps in.
CARRION: "It was a part of the, original, design."
Luc turns his head a half notch and squints at Carrion, perched above and behind him on the seat.
LUC: "I see ya' still got the pidgin."
CARRION: "Douche bag."
Luc, smiles roguishly.
LUC: "Ya' ought a try using one once in a while. Ya' smelly pidgin!"
GOD: "Carrion, shush up."
LUC: "Well, I could a told ya' it's that broad right? I knew it! Ya' couldn't keep your hands out of the candy jar!
GOD: "Believe me, I tried. Oh, how I tried but she tasted like milk and honey! Luc they are becoming ever more cunning, they have become, like us, made in our image and likeness, possessing the knowledge of good and evil.
IMAGE ON THE TV MODERN BAGHDAD
Truck's with UN logos, UN inspectors accompanied by Dr. Hans Solo, scouring the countryside, seeking the "missing nukes". A barrage of Tomahawk missiles firing from Battle ships at sea and F 16 Fighting Falcons in the air. Operation Iraqi freedom, a vast display of military hardware, hundreds of US troops searching house to house. Car bombs are igniting, looting of documents from the Hall of Records occurs.Iraqi children are crying, mothers and fathers are screaming and holding they're dead and maimed children.The U.S.S. Lincoln aircraft carrier appears on the sea - May. 2, 2003, President George W. Bush arriving aboard by a helicopter, dressed in a flight suit and then wearing a navel Flack jacket, now aboard the U.S.S. Lincoln aircraft carrier, behind and over his head the notorious banner reads: "Mission accomplished"Back to Baghdad, we see more air raids, smoldering buildings, maimed, dead and crying children and then, the words:
"A Message From Our Sponsor"
superimposed upon an American flag tie ribbon, the Exxon/Mobile logo appears with the words:
"Support Our Vital Interests"
God's voice over the image.
GOD: "Soon, they will come upon the Tree of Life and if they should eat of it, they will become eternal. Then there will be no rest for me. Luc, have you any idea, how there voices ascend unto my ears, day after day with their endless petitions? Their pathetic plans for the future!
We can almost see the shadowy face of God reveled. Mimicking Darth Vader
GOD: 'You must go Luc. Go! And, may the force be with you! Feel the force Luc. Feel the force. Go! Unto thy brother Jesus, he is fasting in the high desert. Help him Luc and show them my Redemption.
LUC: "What's this redemption thing I ain't too clear on that one".
God pull's out a folder and takes out a large stack of legal documents, holding them up for Luc to see. He is waving them franticly.
GOD: "Look I have all the paper work here, I had my attorney Abe, draw up the contract's, look, right here, look, I, God the Father, creator of all thing's in Heaven and Earth, and so on, and so on, do here wish to redeem and absolve myself from all further obligation's to said earthling's, here forth referred to as "Them" and to release myself from all due negligence. From all my abominable creation etc., etc.,
LUC: "Oh boy!"
GOD: "Show them the way Luc. The way to go! You're very cunning and possess great political skills. Your funny, witty, charming, and. did I say charming?
LUC: "Yea, Yea!"
GOD: "And, this time, you may take on a human form. Look! Where is it? Oh, where…Carrion, you useless hunk of feather's posing as a bird, where did you put the list…the list with the name oh"
CARRION:"You'd lose your head if it was'nt...."
Carrion, abruptly tear's off a page from his book, with his beak, then hop's on to the back of God's chair and drop's the page in his lap. As it float's gently downward.
Carrion bends foward, peer's down and look's into the shadowy void where God's head is obscured.
CARRION; "Ahem, never mind!"
GOD: "There it is, let's see. His name is Barabbas. He is a very popular fellow, I understand, likes the throng of the crowd, so to speak. Oh, look. He writes, "I would like to get into management." Well, that's the stuff empire's are forged on…very ambitious fellow. Indeed, "I formed a band called "The Insurgent's"… Well, I have always said that youth is wasted on the young. Must have been when he was in college. He does have, a bit of, a spotty past, but; so do you, ha, ha, ahem. I am sorry. I mean, who doesn't now days? Well? Will you do it?"
God is tightly ringing his hands together.
GOD: "Oh, please! Please! Pretty please! Say yes! Pretty please with gooey sweeties on top. Luc, I am at my wit's end. Do this for me, Do it for the Old Gripper. Luc, do this one last thing for me and I will be forever grateful. You will sit at my right hand. You will mingle, always in my heat, and be forever tranquil."
Luc is shivering cold again.
LUC: "Alright Pop's. I'll go I'll do it. Did you say desert? Beats freezing around here. How can I be sure, this time that I get to be this Barabbas guy, I mean the last time I ended up crawling on my belly in the cold, slimy, mud of that garden I mean, I think yer getting a little bit senile in yer old age, know what I mean Pop's?"
GOD: "Oh, goody, goody gum drops.Carrion has worked out all the finite details, Carrion, is that contraption of yours ready?
Carrion pulls down upon Luc's head a discombulated, wire contraption smiling roguishly, he pulls a lever. Sparks fly.
LUC: "Hey, this Barabbas guy, how's he do with the ladies? A puff of smoke and Luc is gone