Written by Backandtotheleft

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Sunday, 27 July 2014

image for Lana Del What? What the hell is this? Answers on a postcard please

Lana Del Ray (no, we don't know who she is either) has sensationally admitted to sleeping her way around the music industry.

The singer (?) said:

"I have slept a lot of guys in the industry but none of them helped me get my record deals."

Learning of this amazing news BATTL news hastily arranged a interview with her to find out the truth behind the statement. We also took a guitar along with us. Just in case.

We met Lana in the last coffee shop in Swindon that hasn't banned us from taking in our own cans of Heineken. Lana breezed in (a polite way of saying that she used the creaking of the door to disguise a fart) She also had some custard on her lip, we wondered if we should tell her. We decided not.

So Lana....Lana....Lana.....Laaaaaaaaaanaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-

You don't know who I am do you?

Not a fricking clue

I'm a singer song writer

Like Jim Morrison?

Not really, more like-

Well Jim Morrison sung and he wrote songs.

I'll admit I do quite like The Doors

Who doesn't like Doors? You can go in, out, in, out, in and out you know what we mean?



A pause that stretched into infinity paraded it's tight ass in front of us.

Do you want to come back to my place?

What? Really?

Fuck no this interview is ending like every other one does for you. I'm leaving.


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

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