Written by Rob Barratt
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Wednesday, 11 June 2014

image for A party political poem on behalf of the Neanderthal Independence Party

We in the Neanderthal Independence Party (NIP) feel threatened by Homo Sapiens
They may cause our lives not to have happy ends

The Neanderthal Independence Party says we are culturally unique
Though we're a little low-brow and evolutionarily weak

We have more grass roots support than Neanderthal Labour
And we'll try to reduce casual sex with our neighbours

The Neanderthal Health Service (the great NHS)
Will be sold off for bear skins so we can address

The privatisation of everything that moves
That's mammoths and bison and all animals with hooves

We Neanderthals must all club together
And not cave in to this inclement weather

And despite clear evidence of widespread global cooling
The Neanderthal Independence Party has just made a ruling

That the Ice Age is not really taking place
We think climate change believers are a Neanderthal disgrace

We in NIP believe we do not have a future with Europe
We also believe that we do not have a rhyme with Europe

We are proud descendants of Homo Erectus. Our spears will protect us.
It's in our prospectus. We trust you'll elect us.

So please vote for NIP. We're the best human species
It's not true that we're full of buffalo faeces

We hope you support us and can confidently say
That you'll have a future in someone else's DNA

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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