Written by Backandtotheleft
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Friday, 11 April 2014

Depression runs freely around our great country like the clap around a university campus. 1/3 people will suffer from a mental health issue at some point in their life also 1/3 of us will be affected by cancer. Let's hope it's not the same people or that'll mean 2/6 (if our fractions are correct) of us will be depressed and have a family member suffering from cancer. That would be unlucky. Today we speak to a gentlemen who has been suffering from depression most of his life. Hi Dave how's it going?

It's alright, not really been sleeping-

We have that problem, but ours is normally landlords saying that we can't sleep at the bar. Madness eh?

I guess.

You look down mate, really down, lost at the bookies?

No I don't gamble.

Life's a gamble man. We love it, hell we bet our editor this morning that we could eat an entire box of paracetamol.

Did you win?

Not exactly we were down at AnE getting our stomachs pumped. Not the strangest start to a day around us though. Now you suffer from depression?

Yes-

And how does that make you feel?! Haha sorry couldn't resist, I bet you get that all the time?

Not really.

Have they given you any really cool anti physcotics?

Well I'm on Citalopram.

Can we have some?

No.

We're only joking you really could do with lightening up you know?

I don't think you quite understand the seriousness-

Look all you are is a little down, we get the same way when they run out of glue at the stationary shop.

No it's not like losing twenty quid on the horses. It's a crushing inevitability that everything you have done or will ever do is a complete waste of time. All it takes is life to reach that tipping point and that's it you fall down. But you realise you have no legs to stand up on again because they were a fabrication, a mask that you used to stand amongst everyone else. But really do you belong there? It's the realisation that the tenuous grip on reality and life that you had, that we all have, has been eroded away to the point where you no longer have a vested interest in the world around you. If you've got no interest then why are you here? You might as well be dead? That is what I deal with every fucking morning when I wake up that horror that you will die cold, alone and your only regret is that you wish you'd died earlier!

Sorry I kinda drifted a little there, could you repeat that?

Then he left.

Back and to the Left news have never felt the strain of depression tugging on the coattails of our lives, but is that because we too hide ourselves behind a mask? Nah it's probably because we've never really stopped to think about what a shit hole all of existence is

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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