Written by Rob Barratt

Print this
Tags: Humans

Friday, 11 April 2014

image for The robust and rigorous micro-management of human beings

The robust and rigorous micro-management of human beings by Rob Barratt

Targets, performance management, data, robust, scrutiny, success criteria, outcomes, rigour, on track to deliver

Robust performance management
Robust scrutiny
Robust data
Robust success criteria
Robust targets
Robust outcomes
Robust progress
Robust rigour
Robust robustness

Target outcomes
Target data
Target performance
Target rigour
Target progress
Management targets
Robust targets
Success criteria targets
Targeting bloody targets

Target outcomes
Rigorous data
On track to deliver progress
Performance management scrutiny
Success criteria successes

On track to deliver targets, scrutiny, data
On track to deliver outcomes, progress
On track to deliver rigorous performance management
On track to deliver robust success criteria
On track to deliver delivery
On track to track tracking

On track to deliver bollocks. On track to deliver? Bollocks
Bollocks targets. Targets? Bollocks
Rigorous outcomes bollocks. Rigorous outcomes? Bollocks
Data bollocks. Data? Bollocks.
Progress scrutiny bollocks. Progress scrutiny? Bollocks
Robust bollocks. Robust? Bollocks.
Success criteria bollocks. Success criteria? Bollocks

Corporate mentality
Blue skies nightmare
What's your vision?
Compete against your workmates
Control, threat, menace
Don't look over your shoulder
Frightened to speak out
Race to the bottom
Conditions of service?
Zero hours contracts
Divide and rule
Union's a swear word
De-humanise the workforce
Low morale, unhappiness, low self-esteem
Keep your head down
Fear, mistrust, bullying
And the sinister misuse of the English language

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this


Go to top