Written by queen mudder
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 4 April 2014

1. TIDAL BAY (IRE) 13 11-10
Form: 121-1532
Paul Nichols/Sam Twiston-Davies
THIS 13 year-old's 16/1 odds are staggeringly generous, considering. Publishing his telephone number alongside racing details maybe a mistake.

2. LONG RUN (FR) 9 11-09
Form: 132-54U1
Nicky Henderson/Sam Waley-Cohen
Frankly over-rated at 16/1, his long run could well end tit over arse at Beechers.

3. HUNT BALL (IRE) 9 11-07
Form: 13-606934
Nicky Henderson/Andrew Tinkler
Irish no-hoper over-optimistically priced at 66/1. Avoid.

4. TRIOLO D'ALENE (FR) 7 11-06
Form: 301-1310
Nicky Henderson/Barry Geraghty
Daft foreign name, 20/1 chance and likely glue factory candidate if fucks up again over The Chair.

5. ROCKY CREEK (IRE) 8 11-05
Form: 1113-22
Paul Nicholls/Noel Fehily
Another 20/1 contender, might be worth an each-way flutter.

6. QUITO DE LA ROQUE (FR) 10 11-01
Form: 45-F495P
Colm Murphy/IRE Brian O'Connell
Punters should be warned the F on its form stands for 'fucked up' and the P for 'pathetic'. And 66/1 says it all.

7. COLBERT STATION (IRE) 10 11-00
Form: 1U-030U0F
Ted Walsh/IRE Mark Walsh
Owner JP McManus has really messed up big time with this one, a 33/1 no hoper.

8. 22P52-U4 WALKON (FR) 9 11-00
Form: 22P52-U4
Alan King/Wayne Hutchison
50/1 chance, says it all.

9. BALTHAZAR KING (IRE) 10 10-13
Form: 20P-1111
Philip Hobbs/Richard Johnson
Decent 25/1 each way chance, my Aunt Horatia's got a few bob on it.

10. WAYWARD PRINCE 10 10-13
Form: PO6-52P0
Hilary Parrott/Jack Doyle
50/1 three-legged hasbeen. Steer clear.

11. MR MOONSHINE (IRE) 10 10-12
Form: -4503112
Sue Smith/Ryan Mania
Another 50/1 fantasy ride, don't waste your dosh on this daft time waster.

12. TEAFORTHREE (IRE) 10 10-12
Form: 6203-020
Rebecca Curtis/Nick Scholfield
At 10/1 it's a reasonable punt despite some very in auspicious astrological signs.

13. ACROSS THE BAY (IRE) 10 10-10
Form: 10-501U
Donald McCain/Henry Brooke
40/1 shot, forget it.

14. DOUBLE SEVEN (IRE) 8 10-11
Form: F11116
Martin Brassil/IRE AP McCoy
Decent 14/1 shot, worth a few quid on the nose.

15. BATTLE GROUP 9 10-10
Form: 11-1PRP
Johnny Farrelly/Brendan Powell
That PRP stands for Pathetic Rubbish Promised. 40/1.

16. BUCKERS BRIDGE (IRE) 8 10-10
Form: 5-05103
Henry de Bromhead/IRE Andrew Lynch
Third at Fairyhouse in February this year, his 66/1 odds say it all.

17. LION NA BEARNAI (IRE) 12 10-10
Form: 1/PP-5014
Tom Gibney/Davy Russell
Former winner of the Irish National his 40/1 odds a fair price.

18. PRINCE DE BEAUCHENE (FR) 11 10-10
Form: 12-3004
Willie Mullins/Paul Townend
20/1 price, are ya feelin lucky??

19. MONBEG DUDE (IRE) 9 10-09
Form: 13P-3415
Michael Scudamore/Paul Carberry
Won the 2013 Welsh National, 20/1 chance maybe generous.

20. BIG SHU (IRE) 9 10-00
Form: 1/F0211-23
Peter Maher/Peter Buchanan
33/1 chance, don't waste your dosh.

21. BURTON PORT (IRE) 10 10-08
Form: 2/500P02
Jonjo O'Neill/Brian Harding
Another 25/1 money-pit.

22. OUR FATHER (IRE) 8 10-08
Form: 0P/124-050
David Pipe/Denis O'Regan
40/1 patriarchal rubbish, leave well alone.

23. MOUNTAINOUS (IRE) 9 10-00
Form: 241-3315
Richard Lee/Jamie Moore
40/1 chance, former Welsh National winner, much too over-hyped for my bank manager's liking.

24. THE RAINBOW HUNTER 10 10-07
Form: 4UP-261
Kim Bailey/Aidan Coleman
Another 40/1 big yawn. Save your bosh for something decent.

25. VINTAGE STAR (IRE) 8 10-07
Form: 2P-1262F
Sue Smith/Brian Hughes
25/1 maybe.

26. CHANCE DU ROY (FR) 10 10-06
Firm: 0400-1P4
Philip Hobbs/Tom O'Brien
At 33/1 worth a few bob each way.

27. HAWKES POINT 9 10-06
Form: 12P-426
Paul Nicholls/Ryan Mahon
33/1 rubbish.

28. KRUZHLININ (GER) 7 10-00
Form: 2-441103
Donald McCain/Wilson Renwick
80/1 German crap.

29. PINEAU DE RE (FR) 11 10-06
Form: 35F2013
Dr Richard Newland/Leighton Aspell
Another 80/1 three-legged dissaster

30. GOLAN WAY 10 10-05
Form: 1R03/3-U1
Tim Vaughan/Michael Byrne
YET another 80/1 fantasy, give it a rest.

31. TWIRLING MAGNET (IRE) 8 10-00
Form: 125010U
Jonjo O'Neill/Richie McLernon
100/1 chance, might make it past first jump but strictly no promises.

32. VESPER BELL (IRE) 8 10-05
Form: 302-FU0
Willie Mullins IRE Rider to be confirmed
At 50/1 this is an insult to even the most brain-dead mug punter.

33. THE PACKAGE 11 10-00
Form: 5/4/14PP
David Pipe/Tom Scudamore
20/1 chance, worth a small flutter each way.

34. RAZ DE MAREE (FR) 9 10-03
Form; 15211-P0P3
Dessie Hughes/Davy Condon
A 50/1 total fucking Irish joke, this.

35. ROSE OF THE MOON (IRE) 9 10-03
Form: 114P-01
David O'Meara/Jake Greenall
Nice name, bit at 50/1 the writing's on the wall: a disaster waiting to happen.

36. SHAKALAKABOOMBOOM (IRE) 10 10-03
Form: /1120/-6p0
Nicky Henderson/David Bass
33/1 chance, can't see it being able to piss over Beechers let alone jump it.

37. ALVARADO (IRE) 9 10-02
Form: 6R3-51P
Fergal O'Brien/Paul Moloney
33/1 chance, might just make it somewhere in the 1-2-3-4.

38. LAST TIME D'ALBAIN (FR) 10 10-02
Form: 51433-00
Liam Cusack/Robbie Colgan
50/1 fantasist. Say no more.

39. ONE IN A MILAN (IRE) 9 10-02
Form: 23-F3P465
Evan Williams/Adam Wedge
66/1 desperate wannabe, ignore at your peril.

40. SWING BILL (FR) 13 10-01
Form: 14406-50
David Pipe/Conor O'Farrell
At 66/1 the odds are wildly generous.

GOOD LUCK!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

Share/Bookmark

Go to top