With The Very Mostest Reverend Fr Frederick "The Great" Titslesin on his usual Passion Week ski vacation and High Holy Days Carnival Cruise, thespoof has managed to get none other than Catholic Cleric and Romance Novelist and Sociologist and Irish bullshit artist, Andy Da Greedy.
Dear Fr DaGreedy,
Many years ago when my dear departed husband, Padraic, was out of work and in the bottle and I was wearin' meself to the bone with three hungry boys and tenament super's job to boot, the last ting Pady and Me could afford was another mouth to feed. The poor fella was so down and out I didn't have the heart to deny him his husbandly right and so I did my wifely duties while Pady wore a rubber(King-size may I add! )Well saturday like the good catholic Girl I was raised to be I went around to the local parish for confession and lo and behold I must have been Fr F's first confession. so I told the boy priest my dilemma and he blew his stack. he told me to wash meself with holy water (I tought it was strange he insisted on watchin! ? ) and made we swear on the virginity of the Mother of god that I would lose the father of my kids before I would let him touch me in that way again.
Well, we couldn't stay awaay from each other and so my dear little Kathleen was conceived. So, Fr D, what do you modern priests make of my predicament. . . As Irish as Pady's Pig!
How much would you charge me for your story? My publisher says that I can make another million or more with a Gaelic tear-jerker like this one. . . Just a bit of irish wit, my dear. The short and Pady's long of it is that we priests don't know shit about marriage, sex or raising children. Anyone who would listen to us must be daft. Just read some of my sex scenes in my million dollar novels and you'll see that my bishop need not worry about the preservation of my vows, except for poverty and obedience. As for chastity, let me assure you I am as inexperienced as the Virgin Mother.