Written by Gee Pee
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Saturday, 8 March 2014

More and more men are taking female hormones, receiving breast implants, and undergoing sex-change operations to become "women." Some start these procedures while they're still teens and more than a few mimic women so well that they can use the ladies' room without raising an eyebrow among real women or can snare a man of their own. Of course, red-blooded American men want no part--especially not those parts--of an imitation woman, so knowing how to spot a transsexual can help real men avoid these freaks. Fortunately, several clues allow men to identify these female imposters and run like hell.

Feet

Does "she" have feet the size of Bigfoot's? If so, run, don't walk, as fast as possible from "her" womanly clutches, because, most likely, anyone with the feet the size even of Bozo the Clown's ain't no lady; "she's" a he--a ladyboy.

Walk

Can "she" walk the walk, especially in high heels, that true women can walk? Does she stride in style, have a graceful gait, exhibit a womanly walk? Or does she look like a model on a catwalk (many of whom, incidentally, are transsexuals), trodding like a goosestepping commie, with too much "precision" and obvious rehearsal in her rollicking walk?

Breasts

If "she" is small-breasted, or has no boobs, like Alison Hungwell, she may be a tranny. On the other hand, if her juggs look like basketballs--too big, too round, and too good to be true--and are divided by a deep, wide valley, and stay spherical even when she's lying flat on her back, she's lying, all right: she's a he!

Shoulders

Give the shemale bitch the cold shoulder if "her" shoulders are wider than her hips, because, again, most likely, she ain't no lady. Women's shoulders-to-hips ratio is typically more in proportion to one another.

Adam's apple

The apple got stuck in Adam's throat, not Eve's, so if "she" has one, "she's" probably a he. Anne Couture and Sandy Bollocks are both transsexuals, although they've both been able to pass, at least in some circles, as women. Bollocks, despite the masculine sound of her surname and her obviously masculine throat, has succeeded well enough to be accepted as female by much of the world's population and is always referred to as an actress rather than as an actor.

Unfortunately, the plastic surgeons have found a way to "shave" the Adam's apple, which enables transsexuals who have had this procedure to "pass" more easily as female mimics. For those who can't afford this alteration, there are always turtlenecks and scarves. Stay away from "women" who wear such neck attire.

Hands

Big hands probably indicate a he-man, even if he's dressed in drag, so look for more than a wedding ring when you check out this portion of your "lady's" anatomy.

Terminology

Transsexuals seldom call themselves "transsexuals" or "shemales," and many don't go by "ladyboys," either, especially in front of men they want to con into sex-for-hire or a long-term relationship. Instead, when they refer to their "condition" at all, it's usually in code, so a wise man will learn the jargon before it's too late. Here are a few of the more widely used code words:

Katoey = ladyboy
Pre-op = a chick with a dick
Post-op = a castrated transvestite
Tranny = short for "transsexual"
T girl or t-girl = short for "transsexual"
CD = cross dresser (not, in this context, compact disc)
Clone = any transsexual who says she's a woman trapped inside a man's body
Cut = has undergone sex-change surgery; is castrated
Deep stealth = a closeted transsexual
Detransition = has stopped midway between male and female, somewhere in The Twilight Zone
Dilator = a device to keep "her" new female genitals deep and wide
Dragzilla = A transsexual whose too ugly or brawny to pass--think Fred Flintstone in drag
Dairy Queen = a man endowed with oversize breasts courtesy of a plastic surgeon with a sense of humor
Dude out = outing a transsexual as a man
Electro = short for electrolysis
En drab = dressed as a man
En femme = dressed as a woman
FI = female illusionist or female impersonator
FePhe or Fifi = female phenotype" a non-transsexual woman with a typical female body morph rather than the chromosomes
Fish = a non-transwoman.
Fistula = a rare but very serious complication of vaginoplasty, where a hole develops between the colon and the vagina
F2M = female-to-male
FFS = facial feminization surgery
FT = full-time" living full time in one's chosen gender.
Gaff = a device used to secure tucked male genitalia in place to make the area appear female
Gag (verb) = to show extreme jealousy
Gagging (adjective) = looking good enough to cause jealousy
GCS = gender confirmation surgery (sex-change surgery)
GD = gender dysphoria: an imaginary form of emotional distress cause by living the lie that one is really a woman trapped inside a man's body
GG = genetic girl (i. e., real women)
TG = transgender
GID = gender identity disorder, a form of mental illness
Groin job = genital surgery
GRS = groin job
GW = genetic woman
Hormones = feminizing chemicals
HRT = hormone replacement therapy
IS = intersexed (now Bill Clinton knows what the meaning of "IS" is)
LAVA = LASER-assisted Voice Adjustment
LHR = LASER hair removal
Lipo = liposuction
Ma'am = (verb): referred to as female
Mary Kay girl = a transsexual who may be perceived as a cross dresser
M2F = male-to-female
Ochiectomy = medical term for castration
Out = living openly about one's trans status
Pass = accepted without suspicion as a woman
PT = living part time as a female
Pumped = injected with free silicone
Punk = read as male
RLE = Real-life experience: life as a full-time FI
Roger = a post-op transsexual woman who still can't pass
Sil = injectable silicone
Sir = referred to as male
SRS = sex-reassignment surgery
Stealth = living as a woman when one is a man
Stent = medical term for a dilator
T* = abbreviation for transgendered
Transition = undergoing a sex change
Transparent = unable to pass
TCR = thyroid cartilage reduction, also called a trachea shave
Tuck = concealing male genitals by tucking them between the legs
TV = transvestite (not your television set)

Coyness

If you reach for her you-know-what and she snatches your hand away, it's probably because her package isn't what you'd expect a lady to have "down there." If they prefer backdoor sex after a bit of fellatio, as Sara Michael Jello reportedly does, that's another tip that your "girlfriend" might be a boyfriend.

Transsexual celebrities?

Rumors are rampant in Hollywood and elsewhere that these supposedly female celebrities are really transwomen, or male-to-female transsexuals, so don't get anything more from them than their autographs:

Alison Hungwell
Anne Couter
Britanny Spearz
Camilla Parker-Bows
Denis Richard
Gracey Jonez
Jamie Lee Curtsey
Jennifer Gameon
Jessica Strapon
Katherine Harry
Katie Homely
Kelly HuMee
Mariah Caries
Paris Ho Tell
Rosie the Donnell
Sandra Bollocks
Sara Michael Jello

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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