Written by candicritter1980
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Tags: Bible

Monday, 26 March 2007

THE HOLY BIBLE- MANUAL OR BOOK OF "JUST STUFF"

What does the Bible mean to people? Well, to me the Bible is the true Word of God Almighty, ruler of Heaven, Earth, and Hell!

I ain't the one to preach, I just want to make a parodical contrast (tell the difference) between what some people believe in God's word, and others believe! I mean-even if you are not a Christian, you can easily read the Bible on a "read only" basis and get this out of it:
BIBLE-Basic Instruction to Believers to Live a good life and be edified (or at least educated for those of you who are not Christian)!

The parody is not to make fun of religious beliefs but to make fun of people to use the Bible and other religious texts to justify wrongdoing which causes physical, mental, and emotional harm to oneself and others, both intended and unintended!

Here are a few of many examples:

The old testament instructs us to use wisdom (Read Proverbs and other OT and NT text)

the old testament also instructs to "beat our children" and to "raise them the way God wants them to be raised"
Come on! That sure as hell don't mean to that you should break laws and switches and begin beating the hell out of your kids! That's why child abuse is against the law in the US (among other industrialized nations) and just because it was practiced in the OT Bible days, does not mean God was pleased with it! Come on, people, religious or not, you should get some damn sense!
If you look closely at the Bible, you see a purpose behind discipline at all points in life, not just childhood, and you decrease the risk of becoming another victim of parricide (murder of a parent by a child). That boils down to one thing -CHILD ABUSE AND ABUSE OF OTHER HUMANS IN GENERAL HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ILLEGAL IN THE BIBLE AND ALWAYS WILL BE! (The above statement does not reflect a view in reasonable child discipline out of love!)

That's why kids are pissed off! Homer Simpson's only reason for being a survivor on the show the Simpsons is only because he is a cartoon!

Now the funny stuff:

The Bible promises God's children divine protection but not if you go and do something stupid such as:

1) Eat raw meat for dinner everyday (or knowinglhy at any time-excludes properly prepared sushi)!
2) Drive 110mph in a 55mph zone
3) Knowingly and willingly fly or otherwise travel with a suicide bomber
4) Knowingly visit the home of serial killer
5) Imitate the stunts on the MTV show "Jackass" or "Wildboyz"
6) Imiatate cartoon characters such as Stan Smith(American Dad), Homer Simpson (The Simpsons), Peter Griffin(Family Guy), Beavis and Butthead, Patrick Star(Spongebob Squarepants), and many others! They are just cartoons!
7) Bungee jump, skydive, or hang glide with defective equipment and/or a lack of proper instruction
8) Commit a very idiotic and acccidental suicide by jumping off a cliff and expecting God to break a 15,000 ft. fall! DON'T BE LIKE WILE E. COYOTE!
9) Dance in pit of poisonous snakes thinking God will keep you from being bitten-If He does, it's undeserved grace and not a sign that it's okay(it's unlikely at best!)

The point is, religious or not, know that the Bible is simple, yet deep and complex, so don't take bits and pieces or the Bible (or any other religious text) and run like hell-or hell (or a tormented afterlife) just may be your final destination.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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