MIAMI VICE, FL - Teen idol and wannabe bad boy Justin Bieber, 20, was grilled during a four-hour deposition in which he was asked whether he sent one of his "tough guys" to attack a photographer last year. "I don't recall," the Biebs said.
The pop star was then asked whether Selena Gomez had ever seen him in a "scuffle" with the paparazzi. "Don't mention that b****'s name to me!" the singer sobbed, rushing from the room.
After holding his breath until he turned blue, the performer returned, clutching a teddy bear. It is not clear whether the teddy bear was a gift from Gomez or was handed to him by one of his dozen bodyguards, who are alleged to keep a few on hand for just such occasions as the Biebs' meltdown during his deposition.
When he had recovered sufficiently to proceed, he was asked whether he had a prescription for Xanax, a drug used to treat anxiety and panic.
"Hell no, Katie Couric!" the Canuck screamed.
"Do you know where you are?" he was asked.
"Do you?" the pop star shot back.
"I'm asking the questions here," Bieber was told. "Why did you call me Katie Couric?"
"Because you're acting like her, wanting to know teen magazine type of s***."
"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" the plaintiff's attorney demanded.
"Kiss this," the Biebs responded, exhibiting a portion of his anatomy that caused the singer's own lawyer to tell his client, "Cover up right now, or I'm charging your ass with sexual harassment!"
Reportedly, President Obummer is watching the Bieber case closely. He may rescind the Canuck's green card and send him packing back to the the land of the Maple Leaf for good, depending upon the outcome of Bieber's trial.
"We can only hope," his former girlfriend said.
Watching a news report of the troubled youth's troubles, Taylor Twitt stuck her tongue out at Biber's image on her TV screen. "Hey, Biebs," she called, "remember this?"