Written by Frank Michaels
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Tags: Bombs, History, War

Friday, 7 March 2014

image for History Strikes Back - Barnes Wallis' Answer for the Crimea Is This Barnes Wallis' New Bomb? Who Knows?

Out of history often comes tales of those long dead returning to share visions and recalls of what was and may be. Here today, DeLisa ReNova of the BBC tells the story of her encounter with one of Britain's most famous innovators and heroes of WW2. A man who, in his time, helped change the course of world conflict...

Ms. ReNova begins by explaining her job at the BBC, "I am, by most definitions and certainly a lot of irony, a 'ghost writer'; I author texts to be read over TV or radio by well-known media personalities. I have held this job since 2002 and was once offered the title of 'Dame' but had to decline based on the fact that I am not who my name says I am."

In her upcoming book, ReNova relates how famous Englishman, Barnes Wallis, came to her in a dream and told her of what was soon coming in the Crimea and that there was an answer that should be considered. "He told me that the Crimean peninsula could be sunk, like a ship, by applying a specific type of device."

During her brief interview, she was asked if such an idea was not similar to the one that Che Guevera once tried in an effort to steal the southern half of Florida. "I am not totally familiar with that event but... Mr. Wallis was quite explicit in his design. He said it would work as long as the plan was followed."

The spirit of Barnes Wallis, inventor of the famous dam-busting bombs that flooded areas critical to Nazi industry during the Second World War, instructed her to draw out on paper how a similar device could lead to the sinking of the Crimea, thus leaving Russia lurching on their own shores. The design itself has now since been confiscated by Her Majesty's government and it is only a matter of time to see if it will be both appreciated and then, put to use.

"Sinking this landmass would turn Putin back and give Ukraine a strident step towards survival." DeLisa said as our interview closed. "Of course, the design is rather complicated and may require some practice to make it work." One idea he suggested would be to test the device on the Balearic Islands of Spain. He said this might also get their heads out of Gibraltar.

For the record, DeLisa ReNova is not her real name... and she is currently doing her utmost to remain anonymous as the BBC has begun rampaging their personnel files in search of her true identity.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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