Written by Wumf
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Tuesday, 11 February 2014

image for Ask a hillbilly, he never lies... a modern day hillbilly

Question: What is a hillbilly exactly?

Answer: Well, the name first appeared in a 1900 New York Journal article, with this description: "a Hill-Billie is a free and untrammeled white citizen of Alabama, who lives in the hills, has no means to speak of, dresses as he can, talks as he pleases, drinks whiskey when he gets it, and fires off his revolver as the fancy takes him." That pretty much says it all.

Question: Do you have a gun?

Answer: A gun, no. Many guns, yes.

Question: Do you have a still?

Answer: If you're a Revenuer, no. If you're not, yes.

Question: What is your favorite vegetable?

Answer: Corn mash.

Question: What is your favorite animal?

Answer: A bar.

Question: A what?

Answer: A bar, like when Davy Crockett said, 'I kilt me a bar, when I 'us only 3.'

Question: Is your favorite T.V. show "The Beverly Hillbillies"?

Answer: Nope. Never watched it. Until Rukeyser died, it was "Wall Street Week with Louis Rukeyser.

Question: Who is your favorite blue grass band?

Answer: That would have to be "Seldom Scene".

Question: The Hatflelds and McCoys had that famous hillbilly feud. Are you in a feud with anyone scary like that?

Answer: Just my wife.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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