Question: That is quite a pair of tusks you have. What are they used for?
Answer: Ever heard of polar bears and killer whales?
Question: What do you like to do for fun?
Answer: Catch some rays on pack ice.
Question: How do you get around on the ice?
Answer: See these two 3 foot grappling hooks?
Question: How do you keep from getting cold in this freezing weather?
Answer: You're kidding, right?
Question: Nice whiskers you got there. What are they for?
Answer: They are extremely sensitive tactile instruments, like a cat's.
Question: So just how much do you weigh?
Answer: Between 1800 and 3700 pounds, depending on how much I ate the day before.
Question: What is your favorite song?
Answer: "I Am the Walrus" by the Beatles.
Question: Who is your favorite author?
Answer: Lewis Carroll. He wrote about walruses, you know.
Question: How would you describe yourself to our readers?
Answer: Rudyard Kipling said it best in his story, The Jungle Book: