Written by Trinculoman

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Sunday, 26 January 2014

image for Major US Cities in Re-Branding Move to Spur Interest and Create Buzz

An increasing trend in US cities is to re-brand their image to spur interest and create media "buzz." Here is a recently complied list of some notable examples, recently leaked to our Features desk by various metro insiders. Perhaps some cities need better PR consultants!

ATLANTA - Superficialopolis - as good as it gets.

BOISE, ID - Always a potato party goin' on!

BOSTON - Freely giving welfare to terrorists.

CAMBRIDGE, MA - Where lefties squeeze and spout silly views.

CHARLESTON, W. VA - We're squeezin' corn an' sippin', so c'mon in!

CHICAGO - Your principles are no good here.

DALLAS - Oily glitz sticks good, you'all.

DENVER - Now pot in every pot along with a pisshead.

DES MOINES, IA - Your Life. Dullified.

DETROIT - Come share your bankruptcy with ours!

FAIRBANKS, AK - Backgrounds don't matter here.

FARGO, ND - Where natural and methane gas meet… and dance.

GATLINBURG, TN - Dolly's mountainous regions.

IOWA CITY, IA - Stale barnyard puddle of hapless ex-English graduate students.

LOS ANGELES - Continuous concrete festival of LaLa tackiness.

LAS VEGAS - Your Money. Gone.

LOUISVILLE, KY -- Smelly horses, bourbon-filled boors, and babes in dopey hats -- the choice is yours!

MADISON, WI -- Where lefties squeeze smelly cheese.

MIAMI - 24-7 Third World Carnivale.

MINNEAPOLIS - An infectious elixir of snow and ice.

NEW ORLEANS - Where all squeeze sleaze.

PHILADELPHIA - Birthplace of American freedom. Death center for babies.

PHOENIX - Where the sun should always set sooner.

RICHMOND, VA - Plenty of monuments for pigeons to poop on!

SAN FRANCISCO - Fruit & nut market of the Western Hemisphere.

SEATTLE - Garage band rehabilitation/recovery center.

VICKSBURG, MS - Still pissed at Grant!

WASHINGTON, DC - Fecal matter production and dissemination at the Summit.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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