Polar bears are disgusted. Their lock on the word POLAR has been hijacked.
As one of them told Spoof Science & Technology reporter Gail Farrelly, "Once upon a time, when the word POLAR was given in word association tests, 99 out of 100 respondents promptly answered: bear. No more. Now most respondents say Vortex when prompted by the word POLAR. Go figure."
The dumb thing, the bears claim, is that most people don't know or care what POLAR VORTEX actually means. But according to the bears, that doesn't stop folks from using the phrase. "They've abandoned us," said one little polar bear, wiping tears from his eyes.
"A pox on the phrase POLAR VORTEX," announced a shivering polar bear, who was on his way to seek indoor shelter. Quoting the 1944 Frank Loesser tune, he told reporter Farrelly, "Baby, it's cold outside." He continued, "It's a jungle out there. A freezing one. Whatever the heck a POLAR VORTEX is, I just wish it would leave us alone."