Written by Matt Birkenhauer
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Wednesday, 25 December 2013

image for Genesis 2: The Duck Dynasty Family Bible

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him someone to hang out with.

And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them.

Adam didn't call them anything, but instead began to shoot them. God shook his head and rolled his eyes.

And the LORD God got Adam drunk and caused a deep sleep to fall upon him, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

And from the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman with a really roomy vagina, and brought her unto the man.

And Adam said, This is now someone I'd like to bone! And she's hot flesh of my flesh: She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man and has a large vagina where I can put my tool.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his creature with a large vagina and give her lots of dead squirrels: and they shall have hot sex the way God intended.

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, but only she was ashamed. Phil--er, Adam--was fine. In fact, his ratings are better than ever!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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