Written by Michael Nanchanatt
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Thursday, 12 December 2013

image for The Patriotic Press: If You Don't Read From This, You Probably Are a Communist Jesus approves!

The next presidential election (of 2016) is fast approaching the American public. In political terms, that's sooner than tomorrow. In order to compensate for all the lost time political parties have wasted not blasting the population with political propaganda, a new ad campaign has just began. The majority of Americans are not yet aware of this pressing problem.

Fervor will run so high on both sides that mass protests for and against this shadowy quandary will pop up instantaneously. Fights will erupt at the dinner table as this divisive issue rips families apart. Rhetoric will reach such a breaking point that every voter, whether they be a male, a female, or old will flood voting centers putting their voice out there despite not having any actual knowledge on the problem. What is the source of conflict, some may ask. One word: trust busting.

A Republican insider, who spoke in anonymity for fear of a "hunting accident", gave us the next big scoop on American political system. When asked what the big issue will be going into the election, the insider responded with "trust-busting". That's right; it isn't Obama care, taxes, or freedom that is the biggest issue in the next election, its busting trusts.

In an effort to drum up initial support of this critical aspect of the new Republican platform, junior senator, Ted Cruz recently gave a speech at Kitty Kittredge, Kentucky (KKK for short). Below is an excerpt of that speech
(unedited and uncensored).

…Patriotism, red-white-and-blue, America, Christianity, no immigrants, flag waving, large military, no homo, Jesus, Amen to that, guns, guns, guns, America, patriotism, freedom, small government, tax evasion, big brother, Nascar, money, nationalism, America, South will rise again, , old people, protecting traditional values, Evangelicalism, Trust Busting, Reagan, big money, less taxes, America, patriotism, Confederacy global force for good, Jesus, God, rich money, liberty…

As you readers can obviously see this speech was about the flaws of Affirmative Action. Anyway, the reference to trust busting is blatant and obvious.

…Patriotism, red-white-and-blue, America, Christianity, no immigrants, flag waving, large military, no homo, Jesus, Amen to that, guns, guns, guns, America, patriotism, freedom, small government, tax evasion, big brother, Nascar, money, nationalism, America, South will rise again, , old people, protecting traditional values, Evangelicalism, Trust Busting,Reagan big money, less taxes, America, patriotism, Confederacy global force for good, Jesus, God, rich money, liberty…

As soon as the Democratic National Headquarters caught whiff of this serious subterfuge, they immediately responded with an impromptu speech by Bill Clinton, their go-to-sucker. After a rousing speech, inducing tears among many in attendance, an interviewer managed to shout the question, "So what is it?" Clinton could only look at this journalist with dazed eyes mustering up the only truthful thing said that day: "I don't know". It was the most beautiful thing any in attendance had ever seen.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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