WASHINGTON, DC - In a candid interview done by a piece of thread dangling off retired journalist, Barbara Walter, The First Lady, Michelle Obama reveals some startling things she hates about The White House Experience.
- When ever he can, the President likes to replay videos of the '70's dance show 'Soul Train'.
- There's this group of about 3 or 4 men, whenever Michelle sees them, they're in painters smocks with brushes and cans of white paint, and she doesn't know why .
- The President likes to put his feet up on his desk as a way of showing disrespect the Western World, although it's not as punitive as increasing the debt from $10 trillion to $20 trillion as he has done so far.
- Keeping the White House at a steady 80 degrees is a sure fire way to waste energy, make everyone tired and sleepy so they don't do anything complicated, but, more to the point, makes the place nice and cozy for when his reptilian overlords from banking and 3rd world dictatorships come to visit.
- The President's underwear is purple silk with gold trimming and each has its own air freshener stitched in.
- The President will pass up the cuisine of state dinners but has no problem roasting and munching on grasshoppers if they fall into the grill of the President's barbecue.
- The President likes to crazy glue silver dollars on the floor and watch secretaries in dresses try to pick them up.
- Although he would never say it to his face, he thinks Piers Morgan is an idiot and he likes to send Piers anonymous gag gifts through the mail that explode in his face.
- The President can't stand the Clintons and anytime they're over, he runs upstairs to watch reruns of "Gunsmoke".
- The President likes the Queen as long as she stays on her side of the pond.
- The President's mother, who has been living at the White House since the first inauguration, has been missing since the summer and some are afraid she was one day mistakenly rolled up in a bed sheet, thrown down the laundry chute and shipped out with the cleaning and may never return.
The other alternative is that she's on one of the Onassis' yachts sailing around the Greek Islands after a whirlwind courtship with an octogenarian duke of a minor royal European family who made his wealth by inventing and patenting a common household product that everyone uses but no one can remember what it's called.
- If the President is really angry and haughty, he'll play Barbara Streisand's 'People Who Need Other People...Are The Luckiest People...In The World.' over and over on the White House intercom until everyone is driven from their offices and goes home early.