Written by John Andreini
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Monday, 19 March 2007

A handy field guide for voters


Say: "The American press has a liberal bias."
Mean: "The media disagrees with my world view."

Say: "Support the troops."
Mean: "Shut up about the Iraq war already."

Say: "I don't agree with the way Ann Coulter says it, but I think she's fundamentally correct."
Mean: "You go, girl."

Say: "Affirmative action is reverse discrimination."
Mean: "I don't like black people."

Say: "Eliminating the estate tax is essential."
Mean: "If we don't keep our major contributors happy, there won't be a Republican party."

Say: "We need to take a tougher stand on immigration."
Mean: "I don't like brown-skinned people."

Say: "If we don't fight the terrorists over there, we'll have to fight them here."
Mean: "If terrorists ever get this far, it would force those of us in power to actually sacrifice something, like our children, and that is unacceptable.

Say: "Democrats don't understand the average, hard-working American."
Mean: "Democrats don't understand how to manipulate the average, hard-working American."

Say: "Everything changed after 9/11."
Mean: "The Constitution? What Constitution?"

Say: "Flag burning should be a federal crime."
Mean: "Don't look behind the curtain. Look over here. Hey, over here."

Say: "We must stay the course."
Mean: "We don't know what the hell we're doing, but we're not going to do anything Democrats suggest."

Say: "The Republican party is a big tent where everyone is welcome."
Mean: "Join us on the Dark Side."

Say: "We must finish the job in Iraq."
Mean: "We haven't completely secured the oil fields."

Say: "Liberal elitists."
Mean: "College educated people."

Say: "Back to basics."
Mean: "Indoctrination."

Say: "Prayer in school."
Mean: "Christian schools."

Say: "God Bless America."
Mean: "God Bless MY America."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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