Written by Tony Bagodonutz
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Tags: Santa

Wednesday, 27 November 2013

image for Letters to Santa Claus: 6 Year Old Rebel Leader Makes Request

Mr. Claus

My name is Will Tayer. I am sure that by now you have been made aware of my status and the circumstances surrounding it. I have not been able to ascertain whether or not I have been classified in your files on the "naughty" or "nice" list. My guess is the latter.

If you have not been kept abreast of the situation, you can read it in the articles listed below. Keep in mind, though, as is often the case in the media outlets, the articles may come across in a slightly "skewed" manner.

SIX YEAR OLD ATTEMPTS ASSEMBLY OF FRONT YARD COUP D'ETAT

SIX YEAR OLD BOY AT ODDS WITH AUTHORITY AFTER DE-BUNKING AGE OLD MYTH

At any rate I am writing of course to make a request, the first of which may seem to be a bit "unconventional" in nature. My cohorts and I have stood our ground against the oppressive regime (my mother, mainly along with her first in command, dad) but it has been to little or no avail. It seems to be a veritable impossibility to thwart their combined powers. Yes, I admit mistakes have been made on my part. That is true. Beyond those simple facts, lies the idea of what is "just" and "fair." These of course can be seen as matters of interpretation. Whether or not I have been a "bad" boy is purely conjecture as I have not been afforded due process.

My regime and I will stand strong as long as we can, but it looks like we will need help. That is where my first request comes in. I know that you have a large throng of elves, transportation and industrial materials. I would like to ally my allegiances with yours. You give us the muscle. I'll provide the brains. Together we can take back the rights of me and my alliances who have similarly lost their rights for following my leadership.

My second request is simply an arsenal of several bicycles, or possibly go carts.

I hope that you will see justice for what it is and help to make it reign.

A possible ally,

General Will Tayer

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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