Day One: I wake up to the sound of a bell ringing in my ears, at first I think that it is the alarm clock, but the Tone is different, and then I assume that it is Rory Bremner doing a very bad impression. As I wake up a bit more, I realise that it is the telephone that is ringing. I answer it, you could have bowled me over with a cricket ball. It was none other than Tony Blair, the New Labour Prime Minister. He wanted to know if I was interested in working for him as a Public Relations adviser. I must admit I hummed and arrhed for a bit, but when he said that he was a pretty straight kind of guy, I took him at face value. Wouldn't you? And, I agreed.
Just then, this bird I had picked up last night, Cherie Booth, a Scouser, wide-eyed and wide-mouthed, woke up and asked who it was on the phone. I told her, you are not going to believe this, it was Tony Blair, the New Labour Prime Minister. She said, "Oh fcuk! How did my husband find out so quick?". I asked her, "I thought you said your name is Cherie Booth?". She replied that it is, but that she is also Mrs Tony Blair. 'Oh fcuk', I thought, 'the first day on the job and I am screwing the bosses missus'.
However, it occurred before I had got the job, so my conscience is clear. Cherie was putting on her robes and saying that she would be late for court. And, there I was thinking that she had been to a fancy dress party when she picked me up last night.
Outside the limousine awaited with its four police out riders to whisk me off to Downing Street. I was so excited that my head was in a spin...