Pyongyang, North Korea-The latest sullen, rotund dictator of North Korea, Kim Jong-Un, released his Christmas list today. Citizens of North Korea have until Christmas to provide all the items on the list to the short portly dictator or he has vowed to send the whole country to a labor camp. He would like:
1. The starting lineup of the 1991 Chicago Bulls to visit him and each give him souvenir signed basketballs for the Kim Museum.
2. 365 hymns of praise to be written in honor of His Immensity, 43 of which must mention his favorite foods.
3. State visits by Jessica Simpson, Kim (no relation) Kardashian, and Miley Cyrus.
4. Anyone taller than 5'6" must submit to mandatory shortening by having appropriate inches cut from the legs, or else report to a labor camp. Appropriate sections of the movie Misery with Kathy Bates will be shown by way of instruction.
5. In the spirit of the season, giant screens are to be erected all over so that all the people of North Korea can observe their diminutive portly leader televised while consuming a sumptuous feast in their honor.
6. The well-nourished leader would like a Disneyland built right outside of Pyongyang, so that when his half-brother Kim Jong Nam visits he can go without any hassles.
7. The entire nation of South Korea is to be tee-peed right before a rainstorm.
8. Film showing 13 new simulations of different ways Washington, DC can be destroyed.
9. The monstrous tower in the middle of Pyongyang is to be painted Royal Gray.
10. Anything else the little despot can think of before the holiday will to be added to the list.