President Barack O'Bama known to his Masonic brothers as "BOB the Builder" has made a surprise announcement.
"We have decided unanimously to no longer pursue our New World Order plans. In the last 58 years since the end of the Second World War we have attacked at least one country a year and banjaxed many more internally.
"We will no longer be doing that. We will no longer be supporting totalitarian regimes or setting them up or frightening men, women and children to death with horror and murder. Instead, we are going to take the countless millions we have spent on arms and take care of our citizens, young and old, black and white, able and infirm.
"We will take our place on the world stage as the equals of other nations and their friend and neighbour giving aid and charity where it is needed, and not as their tyrants masquerading as saviours and peace keepers. We will also institute free education to university level and beyond for all of our children and teach them that the exploitation of their fellow human beings goes against their divine nature.
"We will teach them to make part of their mission the collective ownership of all means of production currently in the hands of 3% of the population. Our mission is to make of our citizens the finest human beings in the world to give light, warmth and love to all nations. We will also outlaw all cults and organizations that are devoted to brainwashing the innocent and gullible, beginning with the Freemasons.
"We vow to protect and promote freedom of expression at all levels of public life. So help us God."
Nah,... he didn't say any of that. It was said by retired New York subway sweep Ed Digger who is being currently treated for advanced alcoholism and schizophrenia.