Written by Tony Bagodonutz
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Tuesday, 15 October 2013

Aman Bakhoff plays the role of a clown at local haunted house attraction, FEAR IN THE FABRIC STORE. The attraction is a new spin, if you will on an old theme. Bakhoff plays the role of a deranged clown.

"People just don't get it, homie. In a role like mine, you have to combine humor with the ability to induce fear, yo. That's what I do. dog. I have honed my craft now for seven seasons. Shoooot. I don't get what is going on with people," states Bakhoff.

"You might think about not getting in customers faces while they're waiting in line to pay, dumbass! And if you are going to get that close, use some mouthwash or something. Brush your f*!king teeth!" stated a customer in the nearby vicinity.

Bakhoff's reply was, "I'M TRYING NOT TO BREAK CHARACTER! YOU JUST DON'T GET IT DO YOU!" and he turned back to the conversation, "See, they just don't get it, yo!"

The name of the store where the annual FEAR IN THE FABRIC STORE event is held is CRAFT CABIN.

CRAFT CABIN manager Noah Spine told reporters, "Well, FEAR IN THE FABRIC STORE is not actually a 'haunted house' per se. All it was really ever meant to be was a marketing event to get more people in CRAFT CABIN to buy supplies around this time of year. It sounded catchy. We turned it into an annual event."

When asked about Bakhoff's role in the event, Spine stated, "Well, he never really had a role because we never technically had a haunted house. He had a job in the bedazzling and t-shirt art section. He decided to show up one day in this clown get up. He's brought back the character every year. We just can't seem to shake it loose."

Bakhoff, overhearing the conversation, interjected, "Juggalo for life, yo! Juggalo for life!"

Spine stated, "He's been stating that for years, too. I still don't get it."

Bakhoff interjected one last time, "See! At least SOMEBODY admits it! They don't get it! You can't get it if you AIN'T it!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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