Written by Urbius
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Friday, 16 March 2007

Obviously coming to University was a fantastic opportunity. I mean, the chance to pay £3,000 for something that cost £1,200 the year before was a chance I had to seize. It was my first step onto the educational ladder, and it was just waiting for me. I am a Law Student and since October 1 st 2006, I have learned some important things that will remain with me for the rest of my life, and I don't mean for use in the legal profession.

1. Lectures are an invitation to treat - Being a Law student, I learned the concepts of "invitations to treat" and "offers". I believe that lectures are more like an invitation to treat, as attendance isn't compulsory and is only necessary should you feel the will to enter into a forced ritual of mass educational death
2. £1.70 is the most I will pay for a pint - Joe's and the Gunnies both offer £1.70 a pint, everywhere else in the world should. If they don't I want to know why!
3. Societies are a waste of time - Let's face facts here shall we. Societies are OK. They help you to meet people whom you wouldn't previously who hopefully have a similar interest to you. I have to say I was very disappointed when I arrived at Uni to realise there wasn't a society dedicated to Chuck Norris. I was really hoping to meet like-minded people
4. Plagiarism is bad - OK; I read the plagiarism hand out, and I can safely say that it scared the shit out of me. I mean sitting down with a textbook and changing every other word takes time and I really considered actually writing the essay myself. But I did come across a fantastic quote,
"Copying from one source is plagiarism.
"Copying from two sources, is creative genius"
This is a quote I plan to stick to during the rest of my ever so short tenure at the University of Birmingham
5. Purchasing tickets for certain events is a waste of time - Fresher's Fest anybody? Yeah that rang a few bells. Lets think of the financial complications. We're all broke, and yet we'll waste the majority of our student loan in the first week of term. Then during said events, you end up seeing the same people, who you stand at the bar with and in Mitchell and Webbesque fashion reply "I've spoke to you before, and I didn't like it"
6. Long gaps in between lectures are for drinking - Here we go again?I mean what do the people who create the timetables think. They provide us with a 4 hour gap on a Thursday, and a 3 hour gap on a Friday. We are students! What do they expect to happen? Quiet study in the library? Hah! Hours wasted in the Gunnies drinking beer and eating Scream Burgers? really conducive to a healthy, well-rounded education
7. Websites like Myspace and Facebook take more time than work - Yep, unfortunately: when you care more about wall posts and picture comments than the impending essay that you're really not taking this seriously enough
8. Asking questions in lectures is lame - Obviously accepted student knowledge but once again: why? Raising your hand in an attempt to sound somewhat intelligent really does backfire. People raise their hand, and speak to lecturers like they would a friend over a pint of lager while trying to sound intellectual? just face the music? you're not, you won't be and the entire rest of your year group pities you.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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