Hollywood Freemasons in a bid to spruce up their new image ... "we are not a secret society but a society with secrets"... and to mark their coming out of hiding after five centuries of back-room shenanigans, have financed and written a movie called "The Enlightenment".
Despite psychotic editing and direction, loony tunes story line, atrocious acting, idiot dialogue and extravagantly corny special effects it is set to break box office records thanks to the marketing skills, wealth, power and media control of ... er... the Freemasons.
Director Quentin Tarantino in a jubilant mood explained to our reporter. "It is a very spiritual movie about the triumph of the Enlightenment when men got off their knees and started to use their brains. It starts off in Atlantis.. . we used Las Vegas for that... and then to Egypt and moves to Greece and Rome, then to the founding of America and to England in 1717 when the Speculative Society of Freemasons was formed paving the way for virtually all of our presidents to become Freemasons. It's a real blood and guts movie taking in numerous wars including the two world wars of course. Millions get killed horribly.... and guess what? Not one of them is me! Ain't that something?"
Our reporter was unable to finish the interview as laughing hysterically Mr. Tarantino was led away to a waiting Limo by two men in bowler hats.
The movie ends at World War Three - on its way to a theatre near you - with 'reason' finally triumphing in the form of a nuclear obliteration of half the population of the planet, the survivors left to teeter out their final days in horrifying disease and bestiality while a colony of 'Scientologists' circling the earth on a space station called "Ubermensch" measure and record the general effects of their "reason triumphing" to the sound score specially written by Sony's latest boy-band discovery "Cold Fusion".