A man has spent nearly an entire year seeking financial reparations for undue stress, financial woe, and emotional damages related to life on earth continuing to exist.
"I don't know exactly who or what group of person's specifically I have to go after, but these Mayan's owe me an explanation!" states Noah Oanaship.
Apparently Mr. Oanaship had spent the year prior to the alleged prophecy date anticipating the culmination of the world's end scheduled for December 21, 2012. He spent all of 2012 in vain preparation by taking no personal responsibility what so ever for his behavior.
"I'm nursing about five S.T.D's and the child support court orders are rolling in like waves," explained Mr. Oanaship.
Oanaship has spent the majority of 2012 engaged in flagrant promiscuity and intemperate use of controlled substances.
"My liver's paying the price," stated Oanaship, "but I figured, well you only live once, and well, the world is only going to end one time, so I might as well get my kicks in while I can. I guess this is what I get for trusting prophecies."
Oanaship is now facing the stark fact that his choices and behavior carry severe consequences and that the alleged Mayan prophecy is definitely not going to materialize as he had planned.
"This all started when I woke up and it was December 22, 2012, and we were all still here walking this earth. Here it is damn near a year later. Still here! Somebody is going to have to pay for my bad choices! It's only fair."