Written by Backandtotheleft
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Tags: Holiday

Friday, 9 August 2013

image for The Happy Camp Talent Show Interview Part One Former US President George Bush has already confirmed that he will not be attending

Back and to the Left news has often tried to bring you the interviews that matter. Ok we weren't able to get you a interview with Kate while she was giving birth but you can't say we didn't try. The fall from the window ledge landed one of our reporters in hospital. However we have decided to give some dedicated coverage to a fantastic local event as Uncle Happy And Aunty Laugh's Summer Time Fun Camp throws its doors open to the public for its annual talent show.

We caught up with the events organiser and all round holiday romance Romeo Carl Dawson and his assistant Andy Howden for a quick chat.

So Carl the holiday camp is putting on its annual talent show in September what can we expect from this year's competition?

Carl: Well this year we've got a tonne of acts lined up and some of them can even play their instruments this time. Also we've done a better job of screening the acts this year so they'll be no nasty surprises. As always we've gone for classy acts.

Andy: This year we don't have a bloke playing the trumpet with his arse, which is good.

I see.

Andy: Especially because the trumpet was only on loan from the London philharmonic.
The holiday camp has a great tradition of exposing new talent to the region. Are you hopeful any of this year's acts could go on to bigger and better things?

Carl: Of course. The end of season talent show has unearthed many gems and given many big international acts a stage on which to start their careers. I mean it was only six years ago we had a certain Lady GaGa star in one of them.

Really?

Carl: Yes she wore nothing but potato peelings and was billed as Mrs Chip. I think she was still finding herself artistically.

What was she like? Back and to the Left News has been banned from talking to most celebrities, because of that bomb hoax at the Oscars.

Carl: She was very friendly, if you catch my drift.

With a lowly holiday camp attendant? We don't believe you.

Carl: She liked my quirky style, my way with words and the fact that I can bench press a Springer Spaniel. Tell him Andy.

Andy: Oh yeah he can bench press a Springer Spaniel-

Carl: No! About Lady GaGa!

Andy: Oh yeah he had a romance with her. Well I thought I saw him French kissing his hand, on which he'd stuck hair he'd stolen from her hairbrush and lipstick. But Carl told me that I had in fact seen him kissing Lady Gaga. So that cleared up any confusion.

Sounds like she was caught in a bad romance?

They look at us blankly, like we'd just asked them to do something complicated like blow up a balloon.

It must take a lot of time and effort to set up something as extravagant as a talent show....I'm sorry what is that smell?

Andy: I had prawns for lunch they give me gas.

I can taste that.

Carl: Sorry about him, manners of a Somalian pirate. In answer to your question yes it does take a lot of time and effort to set something like this up. I mean it took me about twenty minutes to write the sign out for the show and I got paint in my hair. Which...sorry just a second....

He stops to push his hair up into a "fashionable" style. He had already held the interview up for a hour because he was worried that his eyebrows weren't smooth enough. We also suspected that he may be wearing a girdle.

Carl: That's better. Got to look good for the girls.

There's no women here.

Carl: You never know when a stunning, busty girl with loose morals will come running in asking me to help her save her cat from a burning building.

A hot pussy you could say?

Again the blank dead eyed stare. We continued.

Does that happen often?

Carl indicating Andy: Working with him fires tend to happen quite a lot.

Well in drawing this interview to a close do you have anything to say to any prospective performers or audience members?

Carl: Yes, come down to the Freedom Centre, Preston Road in Hull on the 6th of September and see the stars of tomorrow.

Andy: And also there are absolutely no hidden cameras hiding behind the lampshade in the ladies changing room. We've learned our lesson from last year.

Reassuring

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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