Written by PP Rega
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Saturday, 6 July 2013

image for NSA: Top 10 French Secrets Exposed by Edward Snowden

10. Charles De Gaulle is alive and well working as a sous-chef in an Avignon bistro.

9. Napoleon isn't really buried in that porphyry sarcophagus in Les Invalides. It's Jim Morrison

8. The ratio of mistresses to ministers is 10:1.

7. The "yellow streak" on the back of the typical French soldier is 112.8 cm. wide.

6. 87.5% of the French cabinet are bedding the same mistress. However, only 47.3% of them know that said mistress' name is really Hans.

5. If France returned all the objets d'art she acquired through war, colonization, theft, and bribery, there would barely be enough works of art to fill one Left Bank brasserie.

4. Bearnaise sauce has reduced the average lifespan of the average Parisian by 12.6 years.

3. Plot foiled to reshape The Eiffel Tower into the image of national treasure, Jacques Tati;

2. Sewage from the Seine frequently tastes better than some of the exported Bordeaux.

1. Carla Bruni really is the love child of Marcello Mastroianni and Sophia Loren.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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