Written by Ana Ward

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Monday, 12 March 2007

TAGTEAM Batista & Undertaker take on Shaun Michaels & John Cena in a heavyweight wrestling match on Sunday evening (sometime on the GMT line) - exact time not known.

Is wrestling real or fake? Or is it another "soapy" of a different kind designed to lure boys and men alike to believe that violence is "cool" and the done thing!

As in most soapies, there is always a bad guy, who has "somebody wrong song" with much word slinging and name calling - and then some body contact, and then on the odd occassion a good fight - like the one we had this weekend with Batista who turns on his team mate (same as in the soapies) and allows the Undertaker to fight his own battle while he watches Michaels & Cena quickly get rid of their opponent (Undertaker) and come up smiling - winning the bejewelled belt that belongs with the queens jewellery locked away - never to be worn publically.

Audiences and spectators are left flabergasted and amazed at some of the punches, dancing, slapping and furniture throwing that takes place. Surely after several hours of having close contact with hairy sweaty armpits and smelly lycra clad rear ends shoved in your face, you should be carried out on a stretcher instead of kneeling down, praying for a second and then continue hurling furniture at your opponent (throwing tantrum of a different kind). More sweaty contact, and then walk off "stage" without a scratch, only a few senses slightly impaired.

Take note of the similarities between soapies and wrestling:

    The music - loud, drum rolling, built up to a cresendo with nothing really exciting happening and the end is evident before the show even starts.
    The clothing - flashy, wide portions of the anatomy showing, fur coats in summer, over the top dressing - sometimes cross dressing - Gucci nowhere in sight & Anti animal cruelty up in arms for the fake fur worn so casually.
    The jewellery - flashy, shiny, loads of costume jewellery - has anyone consulted the Jewellery experts?
    Exaggerated expressions - angry, sad, violent, smirk, snarling, smiling as if you have electrocuted and your muscles have no where else to go but to the side of your face.

Could the sponsors of the wrestling matches please contact Naomi Campbell for some tips on tantrum throwing or at least offer her a spot on your show to get rid of some of her pent up anger - as wrestling seems to be the ideal sport for ANGER MANAGEMENT!

According to my sixteen year old sons and his wrestling buddies' survey - wrestling is 50% fake and 50% real. The hitting, slapping and furniture (foam) is fake and the lousy acting is all real.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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