If you're seeking an exotic, romantic destination, look no further. Ttravel adviser, Roman de Roads, has the perfect place for you: the temples of Khajuraho, India.
How romantic could they be, unless they involve a temple prostitute? you may be wondering.
The answer, Roads assures us, is "way romantic!" In fact, he says, there is "nothing sexier on the planet."
What makes the temples of Khajuraho "beyond sexy," our travel expert says, is the "erotic statues" carved in the stone edifices. The ancient Indians were anything but shy about sex, Roman observes, and their statues of copulating couples demonstrate their "bold bawdiness and their sassy sensuality."
Of course, travel brochures concerning the temples can be misleading. "They cherry pick the figures they photograph," Roads declared, "showing only the most titillating of the couples." A naive traveler, he said, might be misled into thinking that all the carvings are equally sexy.
One couple even mistakenly believed that the higher up they climbed, the sexier the statues would become, and they spent their whole vacation ascending to greater and greater heights amid the mountain-high structures.
Finally, starved for oxygen, they collapsed and had to be rescued by helicopter. However, their heightened state was worth it to the blissful couple, as, according to Buddhist monks, "They had attained a level of sexual bliss akin to Nirvana."
There are four views as to why the temples include the erotic statues, Roads said, but "all the theories are boring." In general, the "main thrust" of the idea, he explained, looking bored, is that "sex is divine."
The statues depict various sexual acts, among various partners who perform in various positions. At Khajuraho, "variety is the spice of life," Roads argues.
Although the temple statues of Khajuraho are the most notable sights to see in the area-it's hard to compete against Volkswagen-size "woo-hoos" and "pee-pees" as large as trees, the area does offer other, lesser points of interest, such as those in Belur, Halebidu, Somanathupura, and Nugguhali, "but I wouldn't recommend them," said Roads: "In comparison to the sights of Khajuraho, everything else is boring and derivative."
A number of first-class hotels featuring fine restaurants, such as the Jass Trident, the Hotel Chandela, the Holiday Inn, and the Usha Bundela, are available for nightly, weekly, and monthly rates, but Roads recommends that tourists stay, instead, at one of the city's many "exquisite brothels," many of which contain miniature replicas of one or more of Khajuraho's copulating couples.