Faded Spotlight Magazine Presents...
U.S. POLITICOS: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
Mitt Romney - The old Flip-Flopper, who got trounced in the 2012 presidential election by President Barack Obama, is seriously considering moving down to Mexico and living with one of his cousins who owns a piñata factory.
Ron Paul - The 77-year-old congressman from Texas is living in the Lone Star state and trying to find a way to bring peace between the people of Portugal and the people of Peru.
Herman Cain - The brutha was recently spotted shopping at a Tall Timbers Supermarket in Atlanta and when approached by a reporter for American Spotlight Magazine took off running and hid in the frozen pizza section.
Paul Ryan - Mitt Romney's vice-presidential running mate known as Little Bunny Foo Foo is reportedly working part-time at a McDonald's drive thru window in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Michele Bachmann - The congresswoman from Minnesota who single handedly increased sales of hair spray by 400 percent is reportedly selling Tupperware door-to-door in the greater Minneapolis area.
Rick Perry - The governor of Texas says that he is thinking of running for president in 2016, but in the meantime he is working out a deal to rent out the state's electric chair, known as Old Sparky to states with overcrowded prisons.
Sarah Palin - The woman of a dozen nicknames is sitting in her kitchen in Wasilla, Alaska trying to find a way to re-invent herself since the old Sarah Palin has become the world's biggest, boring persona non-grata.
Dick Cheney - George W. Bush's vice-president who lied more than perhaps any other person in the entire history of the United States is reportedly sitting in his home in his boxer shorts watching C-Span reruns and talking to himself a hell of a lot.
Jon Huntsman - No one seems to have seen him. Reports are that he bought a molasses farm in Vermont and is living under an assumed name.
George W. Bush - The man who helped author the false Weapons of Mass Destruction ploy is living with his wife Laura in Dallas and spends his days whittling, you guessed it, little itty bitty Weapons of Mass Destruction.