Written by queen mudder

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Tags: FBI, Terrorism

Thursday, 25 April 2013

QM-NewsCorpse reporters have been given unprecedented access to the Bureau's legendary decoding unit that uses numerological, linguistic and symbological tricks to piece together terror suspects' agendas.

Here is a brief glance at its anagram division's profile of key players involved in the Boston Marathon bombings:

Chief suspects:

Tamerlan Tsarnaev anagrams to Relevant Satan Arm - a reflection of the Chechen's devilish agenda

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev anagrams to Thanks! Hazard Over - indicative, perhaps, of a 'See No Evil, Do No Evil' attitude

Chief suspects' kith and kin:

The father: Anzor Tsarnaev anagrams to Tarzan von Arse - a tree swinger with Germanic roots, maybe

The mother: Zubeidat Tsarnaeva anagrams to Buena Vista Rat Daze - a stunned Walt Disney fan??

The event:

Boston Marathon anagrams to Moron, Both Satan - an implication that both brothers were responsible.

The big guns:

Federal Bureau of Investigation anagrams to If Found Alive, Abuse, Interrogate!

Central Intelligence Agency anagrams to Neglectingly Anal Reticence

Nuff said.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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