Written by CaptainSausage
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Saturday, 30 March 2013

image for North Korea's Tourist Guide to Britain North Koreans: expected to flock to Britain to buy cheap rice

All hail to glorious leader Kim Jong-Un! May his heroic leadership crush our enemies with nuclear fist!

For tourist, Britain is small island country on west of Europe, known for hats, royal families and slavery. Weather is always cloudy. National dish is horse but confusingly is labelled beef. National sport is to arrest celebrities.

Historically, Britain is enemy of glorious all-powerful North Korea but is no longer danger as there is no army remaining. British army have all died at wars with Germany or starring in sitcoms about war with Germany. Before you visit Britain make sure there is not currently a war with Germany. On average they happen every 30 years.

Britain use inferior form of government, not powerful dictatorship like People's Republic of Korea. Ineffective democracy leads to an indecisive government who cannot keep the population under control, or even make them wear uniforms in public. Most British people are not forced to salute national anthem or watch daily leader broadcast, and are very lazy and disrespectful.

They are mostly uneducated and will not know difference between North Korea and South Korea. They might have heard of stupid pop song Gangnam Style because of unrestricted access to corrupting influence of internet.

There are free beer rations from government. How much is decided in yearly budget plan. Sailors get rum instead of beer. Most British people are living on beer benefits and are violent and aggressive, especially women. British women paint themselves orange to indicate they are fertile.

As tourist, remember that Britain is very poor country compared to North Korean paradise. Take advantage of them by buying rice and horse cheaply.

Best tourist spots to visit are: Museum of Nuclear Secrets in Sellafield; Skegness Butlins beach resort; still functioning Stonehenge human sacrifice site; Madame Two-Swords Museum of Cloning; and only clock in country, Big Ben Tower that British people use to check time.

Remember to check glorious leader bombing schedule to make sure he will not order nuclear bomb to be dropped on Britain during your tourist visit. Britain will not look much different after bombs fall, but will be dangerously radioactive.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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