"Look Sir, we have searched the house and I can tell you, hand on heart, he is not here".
"Don't believe it, the silly sod has got drunk and fallen down a crevice somewhere".
"I understand the grounds are quite extensive but my officers and I have had a good look".
"Did you check the old out houses and the barn?"
"Yes sir, every possible nook and cranny has been searched, he is not here".
"I know he is near, I can feel it in my waters, and we twins are like that you know".
"I am aware of the telepathy between twins sir".
"Shame you are not one, might have bluddy found him by now".
"Yes, well, my officers and I will return in the morning sir you can be sure of that".
"Not the first time he has done it, you know, gone off".
"Good evening sir".
"See yourselves out".
Silence, the old man sits in his chair waiting for the sound of cars driving off to dissipate.
A door behind the old man opens, after a brief pause, it closes the old man pours himself a brandy.
"Is that you Sid?"
"It's me Burt; I told you they would not find me".
"Luck, that's all it is, luck".
"No Burt, it is not luck, but cunning and guile".
"Sid, I bet you hid in the water tank".
"Don't be daft, I'm not getting wet and cold for a measly fiver you must be joking".
"When I did the shop lifting it was for a tenner".
"Lucky you never got caught, it might have cost a lot more".
"What we going to do next Burt?"
"How about the farting routine in the restaurant".
"Yes, but this time; wait until I have had my pudding".
"We didn't pay for the bluddy meal".
"I know Burt but I like a nice pudding".
"Okay, let's go to that posh place in the high street".
"Cup of tea Burt?"
"Yes, I will ring the old bill".
The old man picks up the receiver and dials a number.
"Hello, Chiddington police station? It's Mr Link, I've found my brother".