Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 11 March 2013

image for Letters To iRumors (Swift, Lohan, & Bachmann) The iRumors News Agency is located on the 13th floor of L.A.'s Fernando Valenzuela Office Building.

The following are letters that were written to the editor of the Los Angeles-based iRumors News Agency, Bacardi Cheyenne.

Not one word has been deleted, omitted, changed, altered, amended, or otherwise modified.

Dear iRumors - My wife of 17 years Violetta and I are wondering why it is that Taylor Swift only seems to ever write songs about her ex-boyfriends.
Tucker Dryflame
Kalamazoo, Michigan

Dear Tucker - I think that it's probably because she feels that those song themes are a lot more interesting than songs about cornbread, crop rotating, ponytails, and tumbleweeds.
Bacardi Cheyenne - Editor
Los Angeles



Dear iRumors - Do you think that the troubled starlet known as Lindsay Lohan is ever going to end up in prison? I mean lets be real here. If any other females in the U.S. pulled all of the BS that she has pulled they'd all be sitting in a cold, damp cell.
Agnes F. Stefanko
Brooklyn, New York

Dear Agnes - I hear you. And all I can say is that the little freckled-faced celebutante must have about 90 or so Get Out of Jail Free Cards.
Bacardi Cheyenne - Editor
Los Angeles



Dear iRumors - Can you tell me whatever became of GOP presidential candidate Michele Bachmann?
Hayden "Banjo" Paperfield
Natchez, Mississippi

Dear Hayden - It is my understanding that Bachmann and her ridiculous hairdo moved up to Montana last December, where she is working as a receptionist in a buffalo neutering plant.
Bacardi Cheyenne - Editor
Los Angeles



NOTE: Barcardi Cheyenne has been the editor of the iRumors News Agency since 2008. He graduated from Left Coast College in Carpinteria, California where he met his wife the former Cheyenne Summerwine, who is now Cheyenne Cheyenne. The Cheyenne's enjoy bungee jumping, mountain climbing, and flying down to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico and putting away the Avocado Margaritas.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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