Glancing through the morning papers, whilst having breakfast in bed, the queen's eyes froze at the headline reading: Pope Benedict XVI To Resign. She was reported to have immediately reached under the blankets for her purse, pulled out her mobile and pressed #1 on her speed dial.
Around the world, crossing the Atlantic, and into the basement bunker office of the National Security Agency in the White House, the telephone vibrated in the President's pocket. He checked the caller's name.
Editor's note: According to Zero Dark Thirty, everyone leaves their cell phones, blackberries and mobiles in a locked box outside the room during any NSA meeting.
Reply: Except the President.
Reading the caller's name, the President had the room cleared. Once cleared, he answered the phone. "Bubbles, what's popping?"
"Hussein, did you hear? The Pope's quitting."
She was reported to have been frantic. The Queen was convinced that the resignation of Dutch Queen Beatrix, (ten years her junior) and now Pope Benedict XVI, (same age) was all a plot advanced by Camilla and Charles to promote her early retirement and move both toward their, "at last" ascension to the British throne.
"I haven't even received a BAFTA or honorary Academy Award for best original and longest living performance of a reigning Queen, whilst they've given one to Helen Mirren for pretending to be me. What must I do, have my head shaved whilst singing, I Had A Dream?"
The President calmed her down, explaining that it all must have been an enormous coincidence, as no one reported any traffic of that nature being transmitted over communication signals used by the Bourne Legacy film production group.
"All I must hear is that Hillary Clinton is waving a white flag and I'll be convinced there is indeed a conspiracy on foot... Hussein are you still there?"
"Yes, and give my best to Mrs. Putin."
Mrs. Obama was reported to have walked into the office, taken a giant step up onto the top of the conference table and questioned, "Were you just speaking with the Queen?"
"I wouldn't exactly call him a, 'Queen'."