Written by Ana Ward

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Tuesday, 6 March 2007

It is not easy finding something original to write for Tthe Spoof each day but it is darn therapeutic venting all these bottled emotions about the stupid things celebs do!

So I decided I would use my own title and come up with a list of things that I love about The Spoof.

1. I can make Britney, Paris, Nicole, and Lynsay, etc, think they are smart.
2. I can express how I feel without being punished or taken to jail - where I would have to spread the news that I slept with ANS too, and am planning to take over the world.
3. I can write to my hearts content, butt naked and all.
4. I can get my entertainment fix without going to rehab or being told that I am loosing my hair or my grip.
5. I can be thin, fat, beautiful, ugly, in or out of fashion, have cellulite and not have my naked sorry arse plastered on the front pages of the paper or up in lights where the view is not too flattering and dare I say a little frightening - You go Tyra Banks or was it Nioami Campbell who declared I AM NOT FAT!
6. I can Nip/Tuck my story to my liking and specifications without worrying about what I DON'T like about myself.
7. I can pick my nose (sorry Demi), scratch my bum (Matthew), fart out loud (Glenn Close) or even eat a huge hamburger (Nicole/Ashley/Britney) with the papparazzi having a field day about my whereabouts.
8. I can secretly remain in the closet, come out of the closet, have a sex change or even get marriage to my partner (of the same sex) and the world will not come to an end, nor will the CSI team go looking for clues as to why I was in the closet for so long, nor will Ellen blab about my preference on her show, and Elton has agreed to be my best "man", "maid of honour".... who cares - he is wearing a dress for the occassion.
9. I can sprout shit like this forever and find that no anti-depressant, no anti-christ movement, no rehab, no entertainment gossip, will give me the same thrill as I do when writing for you.
10..... But most of all - I CAN BE MYSELF - WHACKO!!!!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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