Written by M Scarlet
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Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Everyone knows that I'm an extreme conservative. I'm a hardcore Republican warrior who will fight for limited government, deregulation, personal responsibility and a balanced budget. As long as we don't have to cut our centralized military that costs more than the next four countries combined.

Today's hero of freedom is Dustin Stockton a spokesperson for TheTeaParty.net. Dustin is the kind of Tea Party member who's for limited government, and limited facial expressions. Only the left side of his face is allowed to smile.

Last week Tea Party.net released a video e-mail to their supporters detailing plans to help state and local officials resist the federal legislation to limit guns.

The wave of excitement is so palpable that they have raised an estimated $12,500! You might say to yourself, "Back in 2010, didn't Tea Party favorites like Michelle Bachman raise 13.4 million dollars in the 2009-2010 election cycle? Doesn't that mean the Tea Party was just a fad? Will they go in the same direction as Ross Perot's United We Stand America party?"

NO! They are not a fad! They are as influential as ever! Just listen to Dustin describe the amazing paid team he has! His organization is "full of pros, paid to organize activism!" All of which were too busy to bother preparing anything for these events.

I must admit that I was confused when Dustin described the enemies of the 2nd amendment as "the gun grabbers." Living in Miami's South Beach I completely misunderstood what he was saying. After listening to his inspiring words with other conservatives we came to understand that he is not trying to stop gay prostitutes from taking away our guns.

Hang in there Dustin and keep up the good fight. I know you can do it! But, if it happens that you can't and your political organization falls into relative obscurity there is always a place for you as a political consultant. Remember the consultant's motto, "If you can't fix a problem, there is a lot of money in prolonging it."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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