Written by Michael Balton
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Saturday, 5 January 2013

image for Rex Ryan's Top 10 Beach Activities Wherever Rex goes, his foot fetish follows.

New York Jets' coach Rex Ryan was so embarrassed by his team's horrid season that he took off for a Bahamas' beach vacation rather than hold the traditional end-of-year press conference.

Unfortunately for Ryan, the media tracked him down and uncovered his favorite seaside pastimes. Here are the top 10:

1. Finish reading "Coaching For Dummies."

2. Stop sending hate mail to Eric Mangini.

3. Start sending hate mail to Mike Tannenbaum.

4. Reserve plenty of time for ogling all those naked toes.

5. Rewrite that Super Bowl victory speech.

6. Confirm appointment to get your new Greg McElroy tattoo.

7. Determine if blowhards have a windsurfing advantage.

8. Show Mark Sanchez what it's really like to be in over your head.

9. Inform the media that all further questions will be answered by your new spokesperson.

10. Announce that your new spokesperson is Woody Johnson.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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