Written by rfreed
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Monday, 3 December 2012

image for James Bond's Skyfall Has More Holes In It Than Oddjob After Bond Shot Him. The lame photo pool doesn't even have a photo of Britain's greatest spy so I had to use this lame picture. For shame!!!!!!

WARNING! THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SPOILERS! YES, ENOUGH TO RUIN THE MOVIE FOR YOU IF YOU READ THEM. AND YES, I AM A BASTARD FOR WRITING THEM.

Skyfall, the newest of the James Bond series that is now in its fiftieth year of creation, is an expensively made, well wrought thriller with gorgeous scenery, gorgeous music (by Adele) gorgeous women, gorgeous violence and, unfortunately a story line with severe defects. Oh well, you can't have everything, even if you are James Bond. So, I will proceed to shoot Skyfall full of holes, much like JB did with many of the bad guys in the movie.

As impossible as most of the James Bond films are, there are some bits in the film that really send it over the top.

The first is a shot James Bond takes an incredibly long fall off a very high Turkish bridge...and survives. Even for a fit super spy like him this would be a tall order, but you must also throw in the factors that he has been shot and is apparently unconscious when he hits the water. He also appears to go deep into the water (which doesn't look like it should be that deep in the first place). They he falls (still unconscious) over a couple small waterfalls. Then, miracle of miracles, he suddenly appears at a beach resort in what was either a Latin American country or is still in Turkey. He doesn't let anyone know where he is to enjoy the new found freedom of his 'death'. If he is in Latin America though, wouldn't M16 have noticed that he entered that country? Also when he roaming around shirtless, did he not have one bullet hole in his chest when he was shot twice? And wasn't the one that you do see in the opposite side from when he first looked at it on the train? If he had been hit or even nicked by the high powered rifle on the train it would have done some pretty serious damage to him as well.

Other discrepancies that come up are:

M16 has a huge, obvious building in the middle of town- they are lucky that weren't sabotaged before. Anyone could lob a grenade up on that thing.

Later in the movie the wounded Minister is able to walk directly into Q's computer room and surprise them without apparently getting stopped by any form of security.

Bond manages to get into M's apartment which logically should be as secure as Alcatraz was in its day.

The bad guy gets an entire island's people to get up and leave due to a scare hoax- as we have seen with Katrina and Hurricane Sandy not everyone listens when you warn them.

Bond finds a casino chip worth 4 million Euros in the gun case of a crack assassin that he has killed. Since when would anyone carry an expensive casino chip around in a gun case, especially an expert assassin?

Bond gives a vulnerable young girl a suitcase with 4 million Euros in it at a notorious Macao casino. He might just as well hung a sign on her that said 'Mug Me!"

Bad guy in subway chase blows hole in side of tunnel although he did not have time to set the explosive.

Bond returns to his childhood home in Scotland. In the books he is French/English.

Bond doesn't hide the Austin (car) when hiding out at Scottish home although the bad guys are looking for him.

Although he kills everyone else he wants to in the movie the bad guy doesn't kill the Scottish houseman when he captures M.

Since when do two small propane tanks create enough of an explosion to blow up a stone mansion when ignited?

The next exterior scene at the Skyfall mansion is at night when a moment before inside it was still day.

Band falls through the ice in a pond outside home in Scotland and goes impossibly deep into it, although from the size and location of the pond it cannot be that deep.

Although the knife Bond throws at the bad guy is not balanced it manages to land perfectly and penetrate his leather jacket and go deep enough into his body to kill him. It is also unlikely because the blade is not long enough to reach his heart.

M dies way too conveniently at the end of the Skyfall drama.

Lastly, and most importantly, James Bond is blond. No way a blond could ever become the top British spy!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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