Written by Hunter Thomas
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Saturday, 1 December 2012

image for Homeland Security Top Secret Report Leaked about Holiday Food Shortages!

Special Report
Homeland Security Preparedness Programs
Involve Some Really Freaky Shit.

HOMELAND SECURITY SECRET REPORT

TOP SECRET

The following is a speculative scenario intended to equip high level policymakers and planners with a sampling of potential circumstances with which any "game plan" for dealing with catastrophes due to unexpected international intrigue may have to contend, and to suggest possible precautions and contingency plans for dealing with the resulting crisis.

FOOD SHORTAGE 2012

Scenario Food production grounds to a halt as producers run out of basic raw food items due to a toxin released by the Chinese government.

WEEK ONE

America Continues to Gorge Itself.

WEEK TWO

Certain areas begin to report shortages of basic food groups such as milk, eggs and beef. Media reports of mad cow disease calm fears as reporters show viewers pictures of cows drooling and falling in their own shit.

WEEK THREE

Food store shelves begin to empty. The media, not being able to figure out what is going on misleads the public into thinking that it conspiracy to raise food prices. All hell breaks loose when McDonalds runs out of Big Macs.

WEEK FOUR

Stores are out of food and the survivalist are up in hillside bunkers defending their food supplies.

WEEK FIVE

Pet's and small animals disappear. Birds, deer, ducks, rats, pigeons and anything else edible.
WEEK SIX

Wide spread panic as people begin feeding on Grass, flowers, grub worms and flies. and sea. Within a week three layers of top soil disappear. Reports of cannibalism start coming in from WestVA. andKentucky.

WEEK SEVEN

The population decreases 25 percent each week, as recipes for Homo sapiens burgers flood the Internet.

WEEK EIGHT

Chinese move into the White House and eat the few remaining Americans who are left.

WEEK NINE

Survivalist come down out of the mountain's kill off the Chinese.

WEEK TEN

Congress and the House come out from hiding and eat the survivalist. Members vote for a pay raise and eat themselves.

Report Stolan from Homeland Security Dumpster while looking for food!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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