Written by Jaggedone
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Tags: life

Sunday, 18 November 2012

image for A day in the life! Inspired by him; maybe?

This magazine article is dedicated to our local tramp called Kninky by the local inhabitants in this down to earth, Dutch village called Tegelen.

"A day in the life" by Jaggedone

"Got up, got out of bed (two copies of the local newspaper De Limburger Dagblad and a park bench, if you're lucky!), didn't put a comb across my head because I couldn't find one in the rubbish bins yesterday"

"Eat the mouldy crust of a slice of burnt toast left by the scavenging seagulls and jumped on the 7 O'clock bus runnning through my head. Wen't upstairs and had a smoke (Well at least had a suck on the blood-stained dog-ends that were left on the ground outside the boozer after last nights bovver)!"

"Fell asleep and went into a dream of owning a Mercedes Benz and a Porsche like Janis Joplin once did, God bless her soul, my heroine."

"Wen't into a dream and dreamt of 2000 black holes, arse, sitting in the Royal Amsterdam Opera House listening to Verdi on his violin, but I preferred I am the Walrus by John."

"Went dowstairs and licked the cats bowl, the one that was left there by a cat-loving arsehole. Went outside to check the bins; bastards leave nothing in the pits these days; just their sins."

"Stood outside the local chippy competing with the rats and cats for the scraps, chewed sausage-ends, fish heads and dog-ends. Jesus, I need a new jacket this one stinks, my old boots have holes in and my undies haven't seen the light of day since they walked off and deserted the fleas and me!"

"Brrrr! Its minus five, time to search for a bridge too far or two; sleeping outdoors on a bench under the stars is only for masochists, I need a roof over my head or an underground station, but there aint none in Tegelen."

"Whistle a Day in the life, hallucinate (must be them Dutch dog-ends!), see a passing Yellow submarine and jump on board where they give me a rousing Whistle and Flute, Pans, Peter, John & George shake my hand and welcome me on board!"

A day in the Life....

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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