Written by rvler9201
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Wednesday, 14 November 2012

image for A Brief History of Secession

Following President Obama's reelection, petitioners from 32 states have filed a lawsuit with the federal government to let their respective states secede from the Union. Let's take a look at the history of secession movements in the United States

1776: 13 Colonies of the British Empire unlawfully attempt to detach themselves from the crown and form a government under the preposterous idea of self-rule.

1787: 11 states opt out of the Articles of Confederation, noting that, "When government becomes destructive to…oh, who the hell are we kidding? The AOC sucks, that's why. Peace."

1828: South Carolina threatens to secede during the controversy over the Tariff of Abominations; naïvely chalked up by observers to youthful immaturity on the state's part.

1844: William Lloyd Garrison, a prominent abolitionist, calls for New England to secede from the Union so blacks can one day have a better chance of not being signed by the Red Sox.

1863: At the height of the Civil War, the western counties of Virginia vote to secede from the Confederacy and are admitted as a new state into the Union. Virginia, ironically, is less than supportive.

1979: Despite Tyler Moderow's claims that his bedroom was an independent and sovereign republic, the fourth-grader's parents still make him go to church.

1993: Vermont leaves the union for three weeks, bitterly coming back after nobody notices it had left.

2000: During the contested recount of the Presidential Election, Florida embarrassingly reveals it has been a Cuban protectorate for 15 years.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

70 readers are online right now!

Go to top