Written by G. Brookings
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Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Listening to the debates and to the ads this election season, we have all learned that the middle class is in serious need of government assistance. Jobs, lower taxes better health care. But what about the working class and the poor? No one evens mentions this. While we might expect this from the rich Republicans, even the Democrats and President Obama seem not to care any more. Is it possible that we have become a two-class society in the USA, the rich on top and the middle class on the bottom. But how can one class be both the middle and the bottom? Something is amiss, I think. Having thought deeply about this and consulted many experts, I offer the current leading theories on the whereabouts of the poor and the working class:

1. The working class and the poor have moved to Europe. They still have socialists over there and even communists who advocate for the working classes, so this would be a good place to go if you are not rich or middle class. True, you need to go on strike a lot and push the police around, but this is a small price to pay for actually being seen and heard.
2. The Laffer curve became a magic circle that moved the working class overnight into the middle class. This would mean that we need to change the names of the classes to reflect this new alignment. Suggestion: Rich and Poor.
3. Trickle down economics became drip down economics and then just a slow leak with lots of black mold, so that the working classes had to move into the dry basements of their better-off middle class relatives.
4. The unions are embarrassed that so many people who work are not paying union dues. So they have muzzled them until after the election, after which they will be released and reappear suddenly on the island like something from an episode of Lost.
5. No one showed up for the last Working-Class/Poor Meetup, so they disbanded for lack of interest.
6. Joe Biden's fierce love for the working class was too strong and too frightening, so they ignore his love letters and have changed their email addresses.
7. The whole glassy-eyed working class has been hypnotized by the game Angry Birds, which is in reality a nefarious plot to suck up all available time when they are not watching American Idol or The Housewives or some other mind altering television show.

There are other, less credible theories, but those of us concerned about this welcome your input and encourage you to listen closely to the candidates in case one of them should slip up and reveal the whereabouts of this missing class.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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