Written by Patti Cake
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Sunday, 30 September 2012

image for Eggs? Sausages? How Do You Like Yours? Can I Put Your Sausage In a Bap Sir?

The following was reported in the papers yesterday:

"Poached, scrambled, boiled or fried. We all have our preference for how to cook an egg.

But the choice reveals more than just our culinary tastes - it also highlights our personalities and reveals secrets about social class and even sex drive.

Scientists quizzed 1,010 adults and found that poached egg eaters are outgoing, boiled egg lovers are disorganised, fried egg fans have a high sex drive, scrambled egg aficionados are guarded and omlette eaters are self-disciplined.

Daily Mail readers were shown to prefer scrambled eggs."

This reminded me of when I was searching recently through the humour section in Waterstones of a small tome I came across entitled 'Stating the Bleedin' Obvious' which included a report of a survey carried out by the British Sausage Council in the seventies. As with the aforementioned egg survey it concluded that the way we liked our sausages cooked revealed our personalities.

For example:

Prefer your sausage with the skin on? You are very cautious and think of the consequences before you dive in.

Sausage barbequed? You are past your sell by date, shrivelled and lacking in taste.

Sausage roll? You spend too much time on your own...probably in your bedroom.

Sausage casseroled? You are lacking imagination - especially sexually.

Sausage grilled? You are too inquisitive for your own good.

Sausage fried? You are most likely obese and called Lard Arse behind your back.

Sausage sandwich? You are certainly promiscuous. I would get yourself checked out if I were you.

Finally it concluded that most Sun readers prefer their sausage in a bap - but not whilst they are reading their fave newsheet obviously as they can't do 2 things at once!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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